My Car.

Suna-chan · Otaku Master Age: 36 Gender: Joined: 22 May 2003

So, I have a car now. And have had one since May.

At first everything was pretty good, even though it wasn't exactly what I would call a "dream car". It still got the job done, so I was all right.

Recently, however, it seems that a lot of problems have arisen from this car. Not actual car troubles - but trouble with my mom and sister.

My mom has been yelling at me frequently - complaining that I'm using too much gas (since I got the car in May, I've only had to fill up ONE time. So, I've only used 1 and 3/4 of a tank of gas over a period of 3 months). Later that same day, she yelled at me for not going to the grocery store to buy more milk, when she would be going to the store herself the very next day, and we didn't need the milk for anything other than having it avaible in the fridge, so I had figured that it would waste gas to go when we didn't really need the milk.

Also, my mom has been yelling at me to drive my sister more places to help the family. My sister has just been making things worse though by telling my mom that all I do is yell at her about it, and try to make her feel guilty about getting a ride from me. I will admit that I have yelled at my sister, but only because she made me wait 20 minutes for her to finish talking with her friends after camp, and had her cell phone turned off.

Another issue I feel that is associated with this new car is the fact that my mom seems to be going into lock-down mode. Now that I am nearly 18, it seems that she should be allowing me more freedoms, with the new responsibilities.

However, instead she just gets mad at me when I ask to go anywhere, and claims "I'm never home" when in reality, I'm home almost every day. Also, my curfew is still very early (10pm..even in summer) and when I ask if I might be able to stay out later sometimes for special occasions, my answer 99.9% of the time is "No."

Now, I understand that a lot of the reason my mom behaves this way is because she cares about me and just wants me to be as safe as possible, and I am glad that she feels that way.

The biggest problem I have with a lot of this though is that at my age, my mom was already in college (she managed to graduate from high school a year early) and was living on her own in another state, and also she had 3 older sisters so already her parents were much less strict on her (because it is a well known fact that the younger ones are allowed more privileges than the older ones were at a specific age :p).

I know a wise suggestion would be to talk with my mom about how I am feeling, but I have tried to talk with my mom many times before and have been very unsuccessful. She just gets mad and says that I am spoiled and selfish, and that I need to help out the family more.

Anyway... just wanted to know what you guys might do, seeing as I'm sure many of you have been in similar situations.

Yeah, well, hope I didn't sound too whiney :p I don't mean to be an angst-ridden teenager! But I am just so frustrated with this situation.

Blackmage · Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 11:45 pm Post subject:

Well first off, damn thats a little amount of gas since May, does she know that that is all you have used and that most people fill up one to two times a week? (at one point in my life I was filling my Eclipse 4 times a week putting around 3000 miles a month on it.)

The getting things and the showfering the younger siblings around. It bites, I've been there done that. I got yelled at for whining and complaining too. Especially when I would forget to pick her up... Rolling Eyes

Just tell her that you'll be there at a certain time, if she's not there leave her. Your mom will ask what happen explain, get yelled at then say you waited and had a verbal aggreement on the wait time. I used it and my sister got in trouble several times becuase of it.

As far as lock down goes. It's mostly becuase your female. I had no curfew but was expected to call in all the time to home (which I got yelled at for forgetting to do half the time.) My little sister on the otherhand wasn't allowed to do hardly anything but go to school and work. Her curfew was early as hell if she wasn't with me untill sometime after she turned 18. I actually think my parents eased up on her after she enlisted to the military and had her ship date is when they actually laxxed up on her.

I know it's hell, but wait it out it won't last forever. I know we have only talked maybe once or twice but hell if you need to talk or just complain about shit I'll listen, I'm usually around.

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

You are under a fucking curfew?!

Sell the car. Your family apparently can't handle their kid having a car, so save yourself a load of worries and family drama and just get rid of it. There's no point having one if it's causing nothing but trouble.

Blackmage · Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:24 am Post subject:

Unfortunatly not having a car in the Atlanta Metro area sucks ass and doesn't work unless you live on Pleasanthill Rd or downtown Atlanta.. The public transportation is horrible to non-excistant.

Suna-chan · Otaku Master Age: 36 Gender: Joined: 22 May 2003

Yeah, it's really impossible to get around without a car in my area.

Also, I need it for school, since there won't even be a bus that comes to my area next year because of redistricting.

BWS-1 · Otaku Lord Gender: Joined: 25 Sep 2002

GAAZ · MOD Black Sheep Commander Gender: Joined: 14 Oct 2002

I'm still under the assumption that your mom was either raped at your age or is suffering from pre-empty nest syndrome.

Doot · Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:55 am Post subject:

It is definitely pre-empty nest syndrome. My dad and I had the WORST fallouts, my goodness, when I was your age and very much in the same situation.

Talking with her is ultimately going to be the route you are going to have to take. Ask her what she needs and how you two can come to agreements on things. If she wants you to take more responsibility with taking your sister places and picking up groceries, let her know you are delighted to do so. Explain your case calmly and precisely - a lot of thought goes into these conversations. Show her the responsible person we all know and see. Family always has a way of irking the crap out of us.

Ultimately, see what SHE needs from you. If you approach it in a calm manner, hopefully she will maintain the tone. Make sure to address it in an already relaxed situation. Let her know you aren't fleeing from home and that you appreciate her concerns and restrictions but also feel you are ready to have some more responsibility AND freedom in your time.

Successful communication is understanding how the person you are talking to NEEDS to be talked to.

I hope this helps hon. Let me know how it goes.

Silver Adept · Otaku Lord Age: 42 Gender: Joined: 20 May 2003

My guess would be the empty-nest syndrome, GAAZ. Since Mom has a pretty good idea that shoon she won't have her child at home anymore, she's clamping down to try and get as much time as possible while there's time left.

You could probably talk to your Mom about that, Suna-chan. If you have to, make a bargain where you'll spend time with her in exchange for actually being able to have a life any other time. Regarding chauffering, it happens and will continue to happen. You'll just have to put up with it.

Ming · DOOM! Gender: Joined: 13 Jan 2003

Unfortunately, Silver is right about the chauffering part. What a lot of young people don't fully realize is that having a driver's licence and car isn't neccesarily all the freedom that they initially think it is. Not to sound like a parent, but it IS a large responsibility. Also not saying that you don't gain freedom, but you also have to accept the fact that you're another driver in the house, as far as your parents are concerned, and that means less for them to have to do. Not that they should take advantage of that, but whatever...I don't know what it is I'm saying anymore.