Computer School Snippets

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #46! Taking a break
This one didn't involve the Arab Knew. It didn't even happen at school. It happened at a Korean place in the food court.

I come in right at the time when the cashier turns on the cash machine.

Attempt #1: Guy turns the key, inputs his password, and the machine gives him Error Code E008.
Attempt #2: See attempt #1.
Attempt #3: See attempt #2.
Attempt #4: See attempt #3.
Attempt #5: See attempt #4.
Attempt #6: See attempt #5.
Attempt #7: See attempt #6.
Attempt #8: See attempt #7.
Attempt #9: See attempt #8.
Attempt #10: See attempt #9.
Attempt #11: See attempt #10.

...ad infinitum.

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #47! The Bill
Idiot: Hey, uh, about the web site, you guys owe me money. I'm no longer in the team so I want all that money I paid reimbursed! Right now!

Before we proceed, let us tally up the amount of money this website has cost us:

Setup Fee: 25$
Dotcom Registration Fee: 9$
Web Hosting (October): 7$
Web Hosting (November): 7$

Total Amount: 48$

Amount Per Teammate: 16$

Considering the guy has done zero work, has been bitching and whining all along, has no clue of what he's doing or where he is, has spent his time making up excuses instead of doing his work, was constantly witnessed playing foosball in the lounge, and was such a drag to the team that he ended up being kicked out, I felt it was appropriate to reply in the following manner:

Me: You come here to piss me off at the end of the semester for fifteen bucks? Are you fucking nuts?!

Gryph · Pocket Convoy Gender: Joined: 26 Sep 2002

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #48! Assessment
Monday, in Flash class, I was the only one to show up in the morning. Aside from one guy who had missed the intrasemestrial test and was taking it now in the library.

This morning's schedule: review the test. All in all, it took but 20 minutes.

When I came back from lunch, the class had finally arrived. All except the guy who had done his test this morning. He had pleaded the teacher for the test, had claimed that he was serious about his studies and that he was changing his ways and yaddah-yaddah. The irony tasted delicious.

The teacher quickly briefed the class about what he did this morning and gave 'em a quick run-through of the test, 5 minutes tops - no, wait! Did I say 5 minutes? Sorry!

At question 1, he asked if everyone had understood, and no one said yes. So he did it at length, explaining everything.

At question 2, he asked if everyone had understood, and no one said yes. So he did it at length, explaining everything.

At question 3, he asked if everyone had understood, and no one said yes. So he did it at length, explaining everything.

By this time, I had taken out a book and begun reading.

An hour and a half later, the teacher is craving a cigarette (with good reason). He comes up to me and says I can begin my work on my next personal assignment; even though he didn't give any instructions yet, there would be nothing I couldn't expect, so I could start on some stuff right away, like my storyboard. Then, he left for his smoke.

Meanwhile, I gathered my belongings and prepared to leave for the day.

Me: Hey guys. If the teacher's lookin' for me, tell him I went to do my storyboard. Have a nice day.

FINAL BONUS #49! Speechless

Teacher: OK, you guys all got Visual Studio 6.0? Good. Go to Start, Programs, Visual Studio 6.0, and select Microsoft InterDev... InterDev. InterDev...

...

Teacher: *sigh* ...You opened Visual Basic.

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #50! Checkpoint

Before Christmas vacation, I handed in a program created in MS Access, which managed a small database. Nothing too fancy. It was the conclusion of the first section of project class - the one where we started with 5 people and finished with 2.

It turned out I was the only person in the entire class to hand in my work at or before the due date.

Everyone else handed the work in... mid-January.

My teammate included.

My own teammate has, finally, let me down. At the very last stretch, just when I thought there might be salvation somewhere in this class... Nope.

He confirmed me everyone was just plain worthless.

FINAL BONUS #51! Practice Run
The kicker? Because no one had handed in their final work on the due date, the teacher decided not to make it count and spread the mark across the previous pieces of work we had handed in.

Thus, all the efforts I put into conceptualizing, coding and testing the program, were completely fruitless.

FINAL BONUS #52! Justice to the world...
Sometimes, the dumbfucks succeed. It's only fair that I make mention of the guy we kicked out, for something I didn't quite expect.

Me: [Henry] is on your attendance list? Didn't he fail after we kicked him out?
Teacher: Nope. Somehow, me put his mind to it and actually pulled through.
Me: No kidding...
Teacher: Seriously, kicking him out of your team was the best gift you guys could've given him. Pushed him to sit down and work.
Me: So in the end, I was a dog driving a sheep. Had to scare him to get him to move...

FINAL BONUS #53! Same old, same old
Routine has reumed.

Now, we're down to myself and four arabs in the class. Four. Leaves little opportunity to mistakes, right?

On Thursday, the teacher introduced us to what we'd be doing in the second section of project class, as we jumped straight into programming. First, a small database management program, the looks of which I instantly recognized and reproduced on my own computer. Navigation buttons, add, remove, modify, save and cancel.

My time: 5 minutes
Class time: Unable to finish

Oh, actually, the five last buttons I had mentioned, we hadn't done them. The teacher had given those to do for homework. So essentially, we lost about 1 hour drawing exactly this: four labels, four text boxes, and four functional buttons.

On Monday, the teacher ran through the homework we were supposed to have done - I assume I was the only one to have done it since the teacher explained everything at length.

Next, we made a new form. It actually was the exact same layout, except we were working with another entity. Say, the first form managed the teams in the NHL, the new form managed the players. Same story, just a few different fields to fill out.

My time: 1 minute (thanks to the magic of copy-paste)
Class time: Unable to finish

I find it suicidally depressing that four people can't do something twice. They've been taught how to produce the whole damn window, something they had been taught before, one year ago, and which they made and remade for an entire year with this particular teacher, and they still can't do it on their own.

During the wasted 3 hours, I had the time to begin, read, and finish a book cover to cover.

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #54! To-do list
Today, in 3 hours, we inserted a label and a combo box into our program.

And... that's it! See you next week.

Oh, and the class forgot how to assign a variable.

Shino · Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 3:43 pm Post subject:

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #55! Nomenclature
Teacher: Now, the grid needs a source for the data it's going to display, so we'll be using the data control we had made a few minutes ago, the one called datPlayers.
Idiot: Sir! It doesn't work!
Teacher: Of course, that's because YOU NEVER GIVE ANY NAME TO YOUR FUCKING CONTROLS!

FINAL BONUS #56! Deaf And Mute
Teacher: Start a new project... new project... new project. New project. New project! NEW PROJECT! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MAKING A NEW FORM?!
Idiot: I.... uhhh.... ahh... uhhhhhhhh...

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #57! LOL WUT?
Teacher: I want the name of the second field of the second table.
Me: MyDB.TableDefs(1).Fields(1).Name
Teacher: Correct. You, [Peter], I want the size of the second field of the first table.
Idiot: Uh... DatabaseName equals...
Teacher: What the hell are you talking about?

FINAL BONUS #58! The easy way out
We designed a form in Visual Basic and worked with that for a couple of days.

Then, later on, we moved on to a new project, and the teacher drew on the board a form that looked strikingly similar to the one we had used previously. I hit copy-paste, correct the one or two buttons that needed changing, and am done in 30 seconds.

A few days later, we move on to a third project, and once again, the teacher draws a very similar form. I hit copy-paste and get done in 30 seconds.

We have just started the fourth project. The rest of the class is still busy going through the painstaking task of reproducing the form, button by button, one at a time...

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #59! Back up! Back up!
My class forgot how to assign a variable.

Again.