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Arrested by the Night |
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Author |
Message |
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Tony Junior Otaku

Age: 43 Gender:  Joined: 20 Nov 2007 |
Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 9:27 pm Post subject: Arrested by the Night |
Just a little poem I wanted to share:
My eyes grow heavy in the mist,
My aching breathe takes flight.
A twisting rift which earthwhile kissed,
Raked low beneath the plight.
The woman of dark night's embrace,
Entranced, I gently cry.
Breathtaking comfort, eye shut grace,
Life's love to let me die.
Slumbered peace makes quiet joy,
No more to ache or pray.
Long gone the young and bright eyed boy,
As night escapes the day. |
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Akanari Owns your reality

Gender:  Joined: 29 Sep 2004 |
Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:14 pm Post subject: |
...I really like this. Simple, classic, but still moving.
Usually rhyming is so ungracefully done that it makes my ears bleed (no reference intended :]), but you performed it simply and unobstrusively. Not only is the poem well-formed, but it's quite pretty, and I like the cycle of life references in the poem. |
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Our freedom is consuming itself,
What we will become is contrary to what we want
Take a bow. |
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Wins 46 - Losses 45 Level 10 |
EXP: 5098 HP: 2225
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STR: 775 END: 725 ACC: 925 AGI: 975
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Crown of Thorns (Partisan) (305 - 465) |
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Tony Junior Otaku

Age: 43 Gender:  Joined: 20 Nov 2007 |
Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:16 pm Post subject: |
Aww, thank you so much.
I've always enjoyed rhyme and meter, but agree with you that it can be poorly done if not formed well. I try hard to make sure that everything has a type of verbal harmony to it... wow, that sounded dorky! |
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Daijaga Chosen of Luck

Gender:  Joined: 17 Dec 2003 |
Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 10:03 am Post subject: |
Thats really a great piece - Im a huge personal fan of rhyming meter myself and I have a hard time writing out side that guideline. This poem is exactly my style and tells such a complete story in three stanzas. Well done Tony. |
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Wins 27 - Losses 38 Level 7 |
EXP: 6469 HP: 2453
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STR: 1013 END: 720 ACC: 611 AGI: 756
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Kaledescope (Mace) (170 - 510) |
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Zzyxx *bursts into flame*

Gender:  Joined: 30 Sep 2004 |
Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 8:23 pm Post subject: |
Very good!
People like you who can actually use form and meter in poetry make me quite jealous!
^_^;;
but... anyhow, good work. |
_________________ We are Geek. You will be assimilated.
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Wins 40 - Losses 25 Level 9 |
EXP: 5609 HP: 2160
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STR: 460 END: 850 ACC: 830 AGI: 1160
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Frost, Katana of Ice (Sword) (270 - 470) |
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