im not angry... - just rather upset...

Righty The Wonder Ghoul · Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2003 3:01 am Post subject:

im gonna start this post by saying this: i often find myself talking without saying anything, acting without doing anything.

this isnt so much a rant of anger as it is one of some kind of sorrow. the person see me is isnt what i am. im not happy go lucky, im not very hyper, im not naive, im not confused, im not oblivious. i only wish i was. i find that due to some... curse for lack of better words, i have been damned to this existance that i can rarely enjoy, and often dread. i feel a mix of emotions inside, that would make me cry if it weren't for my lack of external emotion. i feel cheated, betrayed, and wronged by my fellow mankind. in a world where everyone is "equal" i feel lesser. in a world where everything is priceless, i feel worthless. the problem is that i often have no good reason for this. people try to point out the stupidity of my depression, and they are right, but im still stuck in it, and have been for the last god knows how many years of my life. its a rut im stuck in and cant get out of. as i once said, i dont wanna be normal, just have a normal life, that being a happy life surrounded with true wealth - that being people i love, things i enjoy, and other such things. i dont want some superb life to make others jealous, i ask for very little from people, and i somehow manage to get less than i request. because of this feeling i have been at very bad points in my life. i have been at points where i no longer wanted to live, i have been at points where i did things i am embarassed of now, i have been at points where complete loneliness couldnt begin to fathom my emotion. i just want out of this. not life, just this rut. i dont expect help, and i dont want it.

i just wanted to come here to say how i feel, there is something therepeutic to it. and i want to come here to thank true friends. you only meet a few in your life, and you should cherish them. i know they are on vacation, but Ming and Tobias (especially tobs, thank you man) have done more than their share to make me feel like there might be some hope, some light at the end of this tunnel.

thank you for reading my mindless self pitiful bantering.

yours,
Justin R Fritz (righty the wonder ghoul)

cya guys tomorrow, or today rather.

kittenofsences · Otaku Dame Age: 36 Gender: Joined: 30 Jul 2003

I know how you feel at least some what... its great to get it out and prob the best thing to do. You should be proud of yourself for doing that. A lot of people at times dont have the courage to spit things out even if others wont understand it or like it or whatever. They just dont do it... :anime:

Righty The Wonder Ghoul · Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2003 12:36 pm Post subject:

it feels pretty good to talk about it. i wish i could make it feel better, but thats not something thats gonna be part of my life right now. someday it will, but until then i have to wait...

Tobias · *explodes* Age: 38 Gender: Joined: 17 Jan 2003

hey man, u know that you always have a friend in me. Thats what im here for. To be ur friend. I guess that is my existance. to be a constant friend. I guess that is why im cursed as a Nice guy Smile

That is all Hmmm

unique one · Knight of Heaven Gender: Joined: 22 May 2003

I read your post and while I'm not sure if I know exactly what your feeling I think I have been very close to it, then again I may not have. Anyway if you ever want to chat PM me and I'll be happy to respond back.

Ming · DOOM! Gender: Joined: 13 Jan 2003

Dude...you know that I'm always here for you as well as Mike (Tobs). I know I may be a bit rough around the edges at times, but I really do care.

Speaking of that...I think I know what your problem is...you continue to fall into patterns of feeling sorry for yourself, and you seem to like it, whether you are conscious of it or not. Well, maybe this is not your problem specifically, but I do see that as happening a lot. People begin to feel sorry for themselves so that other people will as well. Most of the time, it's not a conscious thing, so the first step is to evaluate yourself.

I don't know if I help at all, these things just come out sometimes. Seriously though, I don't know why you feel the way you do. You're a great person, and I'm sure PLENTY of people see that, its just that you're not noticing it.

Righty The Wonder Ghoul · Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2003 11:00 am Post subject:

Thank you both. i dont know what i can say that will show hate grateful i am for people like you, so i will just say thanks. having people there to help me through the tough times what keeps me going, and i shudder to think where id be without you guys.

well, im a little more upset right now because my mom is kinda pissing me off. but thats another story for another day, preferrably later when im not so pissed off at her.

kittenofsences · Otaku Dame Age: 36 Gender: Joined: 30 Jul 2003

::giggles:: male bonding is so cute
lol
but always remember that you can make anything better except death
( unless you have some magick power which is rare)) :anime:

Righty The Wonder Ghoul · Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2003 1:32 pm Post subject:

awww, hesocute. and what if you have the power to raise the dead into a new, better life. granted they will be bent to carrying out my will, and they will be slightly rotting, and they wont be able to talk or feel emotions, but they make a great army.