automatic complaint-letter generator

[Andsectoid]

Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator
For people who like to complain on the run. You can even select how many paragraphs you want in the complaint.

Example:

[kei]

My complaint about Ebay
When I used to hear about illiterate students graduating from school, I often wondered how that was possible. But after encountering some of Ebay's more paltry précis, I now realize that not only is it possible for people to graduate without having learned fundamental skills such as reading and writing, but that it's possible for these same people to believe that Ebay holds a universal license that allows it to advocate measures that others criticize for being excessively ghastly. Let's get down to business: Its apothegms are based on a denial of reality, on the substitution of a deliberately falsified picture of the world in place of reality. And this dishonesty, this refusal to admit the truth, will have some very serious consequences for all of us in the blink of an eye. If you can make any sense out Ebay's inane fulminations, then you must have gotten higher marks in school than I did. Tell Ebay that the claim that it is a bearer and agent of the Creator's purpose is unmistakably illusory, and you'll hear a loud "clang!" as its mind slams shut. It doesn't want to hear that. It doesn't want to believe that if it gets its way, we will soon be engulfed in a Dark Age of prætorianism and indescribable horror. That's why I'm telling you that Ebay maintains that either there's no difference between normal people like you and me and virulent autocrats or that the kids on the playground are happy to surrender to the school bully. Ebay denies any other possibility.

Ebay is locked into its present course of destruction. It does not have the interest or the will to change its fundamentally scary press releases. I almost forgot: Ebay attracts surly clowns to its peuplade by telling them that the few of us who complain regularly about its smear tactics are simply spoiling the party. I suppose the people to whom it tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, I could go on for pages listing innumerable examples of Ebay's pestilential squibs and bad-tempered diatribes. I have already written enough, surely, to convince you that Ebay maliciously defames and damagingly misrepresents everyone and everything around it. There's a word for that: libel.

While there are many disorderly, scornful lugs, Ebay is the most unprofessional of the lot. I deeply believe that it's within our grasp to set the stage so that my next letter will begin from a new and much higher level of influence. Be grateful for this first and last tidbit of comforting news. The rest of this letter will center around the way that its cajoleries are like a Hydra. They continually acquire new heads and new strength. The only way to stunt their growth is to address the legitimate anger, fear, and alienation of people who have been mobilized by Ebay because they saw no other options for change. The only way to destroy Ebay's Hydra entirely is to provide more people with the knowledge that if you looked up "impulsive" in the dictionary, you'd probably see its logo. Ebay has been a bad apple for as long as I can remember. Let me rephrase that: If I didn't think Ebay would convert our children to cultural zombies in a mass of unthinking and easily herded proletarian cattle, I wouldn't say that if history follows its course, it should be evident that anyone who thinks that society is screaming for its flimflams is not living in the real world. (Actually, our attempts to tell Ebay what we all think of it -- and boy, do I have some choice words I'd like to use -- have so far served only as a divertissement for Ebay and its pals but that's not important now.) I cannot believe how many actual, physical, breathing, thinking people have fallen for Ebay's subterfuge. I'm utterly stunned.

While Ebay insists that society is supposed to be lenient towards complacent barrators, reality dictates otherwise. Actually, if you want a real dose of reality, look at how if Ebay makes fun of me or insults me, I hear it, and it hurts. But I take solace in the fact that I am still able to provide you with vital information which Ebay has gone to great lengths to prevent you from discovering. Even as I write those words I can feel Ebay cringe. That's okay. Cringe. I don't care, because it keeps telling everyone within earshot that "metanarratives" are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity. I'm guessing that Ebay read that on some Web site of dubious validity. More reliable sources generally indicate that muddleheaded, rotten lotharios suffer from a collective self-image that prefers victimization to success and imposes a suffocating group conformity that ostracizes nonconformists. That conclusion is not based on some sort of piteous philosophy or on Ebay-style mental masturbation, but on widely known and proven principles of science. These principles explain that when Ebay says that it does the things it does "for the children", that's just a load of spucatum tauri.

Ebay and its vassals are, by nature, tyrannical, shambolic oligarchs. Not only can that nature not be changed by window-dressing or persiflage, but our battle with Ebay is a battle between spiritualism and nonrepresentationalism, between tradition and subversion, between the defenders of Western civilization and its enemies. With the battle lines drawn as such, it is abundantly clear that the unalterable law of biology has a corollary that is generally overlooked. Specifically, I will never give up. I will never stop trying. And I will use every avenue possible to provide a trenchant analysis of its prevarications. Ebay's seemingly egalitarian ideas lead only to results that are both litigious and unfair. You may have detected a hint of sarcasm in the way I phrased that last statement, but I assure you that I am not exaggerating the situation. Ebay and its cheerleaders are social pariahs and should be ostracized. May we never forget this if we are to deny Ebay and its subalterns a chance to help lackluster, squalid moochers back up their prejudices with "scientific" proof.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do you have a complaint about my company on your Web page?


Edited by Chuck Norris:You're never going to learn are you boy?

[MitchellTF]

I don't really need one of those, but...

Dear Jack Thompson,
May reavers rape you to death, eat your flesh, and sew your skin to your coats. I hope you get raped, twice. Die. Die and go to hell and burn.

Sincerely,
I'm not telling.

See! Short and sweet...

[MitchellTF]

But...for fun...

I would like to clarify some comments I made recently regarding Atty. Jack Thompson. To get immediately to the point, Atty. Thompson is not only immoral, but amoral. It must be pointed out over and over again to his faithfuls and, in a broader sense, to jackbooted troglodytes that the baneful nature of his animadversions is not just a rumor. It is a fact to which I can testify. The objection may still be raised that Atty. Thompson should be a given a direct pipeline to the National Treasury. At first glance, this sounds almost believable. Yet the following must be borne in mind: Atty. Thompson's goal is to hold annual private conferences in which quasi-pushy doofuses are invited to present their "research". This is abject recidivism!

Anyone who hasn't been living in a cave with his eyes shut and his ears plugged knows that Atty. Thompson either is or elects to be ignorant of scientific principles and methods. He even intentionally misuses scientific terminology to break down our communities. If you want to clear up these muddied waters with some reality, then tell everyone you know the truth, that "Atty. Thompson" has now become part of my vocabulary. Whenever I see someone keep a close eye on those who look like they might think an unapproved thought, I tell him or her to stop "Atty. Thompson-ing". You may wonder why he has a blatant disregard for society's basic laws. It's simply because it's really not bloody-mindedness that compels me to enable all people to achieve their potential as human beings. It's my sense of responsibility to you, the reader. Atty. Thompson vacillates between unpleasant effusions and illiterate, xenophobic intimations. It's that simple.

Atty. Thompson's deeds are continually evolving into more and more squalid incarnations. Here, I'm not just talking about evolution in a simply Darwinist sense; I'm also talking about how Atty. Thompson is not just confused. He is unbelievably, astronomically confused. If I am doomed to have a conniption, then he will obviously make us the helpless puppets of our demographic labels quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "psychotherapeutical". Atty. Thompson confuses entertainment with learning. Some people might object to that claim, and if they do, my response is: There is a simple answer to the question of what to do about Atty. Thompson's expostulations. The difficult part is in implementing the answer. The answer is that we must advance a clear, credible, and effective vision for dealing with our present dilemma and its most insane manifestations. He does not merely foist the most poisonously false and destructive myths imaginable upon us. He does so consciously, deliberately, willfully, and methodically.

If this letter did nothing else but serve as a beacon of truth, it would be worthy of reading by all right-thinking people. However, this letter's role is much greater than just to win the culture war and save this country. Most people don't realize that Atty. Thompson has already revealed his plans to engage in the trafficking of human beings. He revealed these plans in a manifesto bearing all of the hallmarks of having been written by a noxious paranoiac. Not only is his manifesto entirely lacking in logic, relentlessly subjective, and absolutely anecdotal, but Atty. Thompson is absolutely determined to believe that we should derive moral guidance from his glitzy, multi-culti, hip-hop, consumption-oriented apothegms, and he's not about to let facts or reason get in his way. While it's true that I still believe in duty, honor, and country, Atty. Thompson has yet to acknowledge that fact. There are situations where certain sophistries are appropriate and there are situations where they are not. Pardon my saying so, but he is reluctant to resolve problems. He always just looks the other way and hopes no one will notice that the most namby-pamby trolls I've ever seen are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that Atty. Thompson's fantasy is to preach a propaganda of hate. He dreams of a world that grants him such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of anti-intellectualism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that I have begged Atty. Thompson's backers to step forth and point out that the emperor has no clothes on. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how Atty. Thompson might retaliate? You see, Atty. Thompson is the picture of the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to his contrivances.

Atty. Thompson claims that laws are meant to be broken. That claim illustrates a serious reasoning fallacy, one that is pandemic in his publications. Then again, if we look beyond Atty. Thompson's delusions of grandeur, we see that he says that the best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points. I've seen more plausible things scrawled on the bathroom walls in elementary schools. Atty. Thompson's noisome conjectures preach hatred. News of this deviousness must spread like wildfire if we are ever to make the world safe for democracy. Atty. Thompson should just quit whining about everything. The facts are indisputable, the arguments are impeccable, and the consequences are undeniable. So why does Atty. Thompson feel that 75 million years ago, a galactic tyrant named Xenu solved the overpopulation problem of his 76-planet federation by transporting the excess people to Earth, chaining them to volcanoes, and dropping H-bombs on them? People often ask me that question. It's a difficult question to answer, however, because the querist generally wants a simple, concise answer. He doesn't want to hear a long, drawn-out explanation about how some shameless maniacs actually contend that the most valuable skill one can have is to be able to lie convincingly. This is the kind of muddled thinking that Atty. Thompson is encouraging with his criticisms. Even worse, all those who raise their voice against this brainwashing campaign are denounced as pea-brained degenerates.

The hour is late indeed. Fortunately, it's not yet too late to establish democracy and equality. It's astounding that Atty. Thompson has somehow found a way to work the words "compartmentalization" and "counterexcommunication" into his beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments). However, you may find it even more astounding that he once tried convincing me that his activities are on the up-and-up. Does he think I was born yesterday? I mean, it seems pretty obvious that Atty. Thompson believes, in his elitist delirium, that he has answers to everything. If you don't believe me, see for yourself. You may be shocked to hear this, but Atty. Thompson's insults have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. It will be objected, to be sure, that Atty. Thompson doesn't honestly want to pour a few drops of wormwood into our general enthusiasm. At first glance, this may seem to be true, but when you think about it further, you'll indubitably conclude that many people are incredulous when I tell them that he intends to cashier anyone who tries to pave the way for people of every sex, race, and socioeconomic status to fulfill their own spiritual destiny. "How could Atty. Thompson be so voluble?", they ask me. "It doesn't seem possible." Well, it is undoubtedly possible, and now I'll explain exactly how Atty. Thompson plans to do it. But first, you need to realize that he had previously claimed that he had no intention to tell everyone else what to do. Of course, shortly thereafter, that's exactly what he did. Next, he denied that he would inure us to contumelious mercantalism. We all know what happened then. Now, Atty. Thompson would have us believe he'd never ever bombard me with insults. Will he? Go figure. My view is that I recently overheard a couple of atrabilious, parasitic wankers say that Atty. Thompson should waffle on all the issues because "it's the right thing to do". Here, again, we encounter the blurred thinking that is characteristic of this Atty. Thompson-induced era of slogans and propaganda.

I understand that Atty. Thompson once told his satraps, "Hey, let's all go out and reap a whirlwind of destroyed marriages, damaged children, and, quite possibly, a globe-wide expression of incurable sexually transmitted diseases!" (or words to that effect), but false denials, pleas for sympathy, and a base campaign for smearing others with his own crimes constitute Atty. Thompson's whole method of defense. Am I aware of how Atty. Thompson will react when he reads that last sentence? Yes. Do I care? No, because I am hurt, furious, and embarrassed. Why am I hurt? Because he uses language that would make a sailor blush, and everyone with half a brain understands that. Why am I furious? Because he says that he has a "special" perspective on voyeurism which carries with it a "special" right to institutionalize sex discrimination by requiring different standards of protection and behavior for men and women. That's his unvarying story, and it's a lie: an extremely dissolute and intrusive lie. Unfortunately, it's a lie that is accepted unquestioningly, uncritically, by Atty. Thompson's hangers-on. And why am I embarrassed? Because his initiatives are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, he contends that vicious wackos are inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive and that, therefore, we should abandon the institutionalized and revered concept of democracy. This bizarre pattern of thinking leads to strange conclusions. For example, it convinces deplorable, huffy freaks of nature (as distinct from the lascivious, misguided rabble-rousers who prefer to chirrup while hopping from cloud to cloud in Nephelococcygia) that it's perfectly safe to drink and drive. In reality, contrariwise, Atty. Thompson likes thinking thoughts that aren't burdensome and that feel good. That's why if I had my druthers, he would never have had the opportunity to lash out at everyone and everything in sight. As it stands, Atty. Thompson constantly evades or violates legislation of which he disapproves. End of story. Actually, I should add that there is one crucial fact that we must not overlook if we are to perceive our current situation as it is, rather than in the anamorphosis of some "ideology" such as cronyism or fanaticism. Specifically, Atty. Thompson may unwittingly convert our children to cultural zombies in a mass of unthinking and easily herded proletarian cattle. I say "unwittingly" because he is apparently unaware that he operates under the influence of a particular ideology: a set of beliefs based on the root metaphor of the transmission of forces. Until you understand this root metaphor you won't be able to grasp why many people are convinced that Atty. Thompson's sermons emphasize the formation of small units of oligophrenic toadies that can avoid detection by authorities, strike quickly and disperse, and, to some extent, feed information from sources inside the government to organizations with particularly Pecksniffian agendas. I can't comment on that, but I can say that I would be grateful if he would take a little time from his rigorous schedule to work together towards a shared vision. Of course, pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens. Given Atty. Thompson's current mind-set, Atty. Thompson's thesis is that the Earth is flat. That's utterly raucous, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that Atty. Thompson likes mottos that mollycoddle ophidian, perfidious illaudable-types. Could there be a conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I'd say that if I didn't sincerely believe that he keeps coming up with new ways to damn this nation and this world to Hell, then I wouldn't be writing this letter. I may be opening a Pandora's box by writing this, but Atty. Thompson thinks that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power. Of course, thinking so doesn't make it so. Simply put, he wants us to feel sorry for the appalling swaggerers who advocate fatalistic acceptance of a mad new world order. I aver we should instead feel sorry for their victims, all of whom know full well that it's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of impractical, rebarbative yutzes like Atty. Thompson can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them.

My empirically validated theory is that thought should precede any attempt at intellectual writing. That's clear. But Atty. Thompson likes to quote all of the saccharine, sticky moralisms about "human rights" and the evils of insurrectionism. But as soon as we stop paying attention, he invariably instructs his gofers to emphasize the negative in our lives instead of accentuating the positive. Then, when someone notices, the pattern repeats from the beginning. Though this game may seem perverse beyond belief to any sane individual, it makes perfect sense in light of Atty. Thompson's vitriolic traducements. Is anyone else out there as struck as I am by his utter disregard for morality and humanity? The reason I ask is that he wants me to stop trying to lend support to the thesis that his emissaries send frowzy, vexatious toughies on safari holidays instead of publicly birching them, as though it were a disgrace to make plans and carry them out. Instead, he'd rather I wander around in a quagmire of self-pity and depression. Sorry, but I don't accept defeat that easily.

I feel no shame in writing that when one examines the ramifications of letting Atty. Thompson conspire with evil, one finds a preponderance of evidence leading to the conclusion that there's no shortage of sin in the world today. It's been around since the Garden of Eden and will certainly persist as long as Atty. Thompson continues to institutionalize radicalism through systematic violence, distorted religion, and dubious science. He has the brains of a house plant. He and his brutal associates must laugh about this in private, knowing that he has an agenda -- a political, social, and cultural agenda. Once we realize that, what do we do? The appropriate thing, in my judgment, is to bear witness to the plain, unvarnished truth. I say that because it's hard to fathom just how unrealistic he is. I'll stand by that controversial statement and even assume that most readers who bring their own real-life experience will agree with it. At a bare minimum, Atty. Thompson's older double standards were otiose enough. His latest ones are undeniably beyond the pale.

Atty. Thompson accuses me of being narrow-minded. Does he suspect I'm narrow-minded because I refuse to accept his claim that those of us who oppose him would rather run than fight? If so, then I guess I'm as narrow-minded as I could possibly be. While some of his convictions are very attractive on the surface and are unmistakably entertaining, they ultimately serve to reduce social and cultural awareness to a dictated set of guidelines to follow. This seems so obvious, I am amazed there is even any discussion about it. As sure as you're born, Atty. Thompson has failed to provide us with a context in which his memoranda could be discussed and understood. That concept can be extended, mutatis mutandis, to the way that I'm willing to accept that what really gets my goat is knowing that words cannot convey the hurt and despair that I and so many others feel for those who were personally attacked by Atty. Thompson. I'm even willing to accept that I speak from experience. But he holds onto power like the eunuch mandarins of the Forbidden City -- sterile obstacles to progress who promote, foster, and institute pessimism. If you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance. Let me close by reminding you that Atty. Jack Thompson's idea of a good time is to lock people up for reading the "wrong" types of books or listening to the "wrong" classes of music.

[Kothar_Isk]

Sorry ALL but soe is gonna do it sonner or later...........
Thats right I went there I went After this wonderful site itself PO


I've been debating with myself over the last few weeks whether or not I should write this letter. Obviously, I outvoted myself and wrote it. I concluded I absolutely had to tell you that all of PO's tactics are paralogistic. Instead of focusing on why the problem of sleazy big-mouths serves as an excuse for PO to express its own hostility and frustrated need for power, I would like to remind people that PO likes to compare its announcements to those that shaped this nation. The comparison, however, doesn't hold up beyond some uselessly broad, superficial similarities that are so vague and pointless, it's not even worth summarizing them. It is common knowledge that it is easy to see faults in others. But it takes perseverance to exemplify the principles of honor, duty, loyalty, and courage.

Let's consider for a moment, though, that maybe PO's speeches tend to be more phatic than illustrative. Then doesn't it follow that PO's conjectures use a philosophical device of asking one question, answering an entirely different question, and then applying that answer to the original question? As heinous as PO's obloquies are, PO sees itself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who clarify and correct some of the inaccuracies present in its litanies). PO's helots believe that the Universe belongs to PO by right. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that the rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters can believe anything, especially if it's false. I fear that, over time, PO's pronouncements will be seen as uncontested fact, because many people are afraid to unmask PO's true face and intentions in regard to despotism.

So, what's my take on PO's abominable sentiments? Simply this: Like most organizations that have a self-satisfied agenda to advocate, it wants to put ignominious, warped chiselers on the federal payroll. Well, that's a bit too general of a statement to have much meaning, I'm afraid. So let me instead explain my point as follows: We must reach out to people with the message that its wisecracks are more often out of sync with democratic values than aligned with them. We must alert people of that. We must educate them. We must inspire them. And we must encourage them to get my message about PO out to the world. Relative to just a few years ago, dodgy Machiavellians are nearly ten times as likely to believe that everything is happy and fine and good. This is neither a coincidence nor simply a sign of the times. Rather, it reflects a sophisticated, psychological warfare program designed by PO to revive an arcadian past that never existed.

As besotted as PO's co-conspirators may be, they are also damnable blowhards. PO's irritating attempts to saddle the economy with crippling debt are well-nigh unforgivable. I kid you not. For that reason, by refusing to act, by refusing to summon up the courage to reveal the constant tension between centripetal and centrifugal forces of dialogized heteroglossia resulting from PO's generalizations, we are giving PO the power to advocate passive-aggressive platitudes. When it comes to PO's perceptions, I doubtlessly believe that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to shed the light of truth on the evil that is PO. The sooner we do that, the better, because if it doesn't like it here, then perhaps it should go elsewhere.

If some people are offended by my mentioning that PO's shenanigans have no place in a free, humane society of individual value, individual choice, and individual responsibility, then so be it. If PO thinks that the cure for evil is more evil then maybe it should lay off the wacky tobaccy. It's my hunch that I can't follow PO's pretzel logic. I do, however, know that it can't possibly believe that we have no reason to be fearful about the criminally violent trends in our society today and over the past ten to fifteen years. It's gutless, but it's not that gutless. I want to build a society in which people have a sense of permanence and stability, not chaos and uncertainty. That may seem simple enough, but there are some simple truths in this world. First, PO's positions have no credibility. Second, PO used twisted and self-contradictory logic to arrive at its conclusion that it is the most recent incarnation of the Buddha. And finally, if I were elected Ruler of the World, my first act of business would be to straighten out its thinking. I would further use my position to inform certain segments of the Earth's population that we must stand united as free, sovereign individuals and insist on a policy of zero tolerance toward emotionalism. That said, let me continue. But this is something to be filed away for future letters. At present, I wish to focus on only one thing: the fact that if PO wanted to, it could incite racial hatred. It could mold the mind of virtually every citizen -- young or old, rich or poor, simple or sophisticated. And it could make our lives a living hell. We must indeed not allow PO to do any of these. Some people feel that PO is unable to see any issue in a broad perspective or from more than one side. Others assert that PO is caught up in an irrational belief about its own powers and abilities. In the interest of clearing up the confusion, I'll make the following observation: There's a special, dark corner of Hell for the likes of Hitler, Stalin, and PO. It will almost certainly tiptoe around that glaringly evident fact, because if it didn't, you might come to realize that the pen is a powerful tool. Why don't we use that tool to reveal some shocking facts about its warnings? Let me leave you with one last thought: PO's hypocrisy has reached a new low.