Problems Anonymous Inc.

[K-chan]

My teacher asked me to get this poem ready for submitting to the Tower, our campus literary magazine. Not that it matters much since the Tower has a slight reputation. Oh well, while it may not get printed at least I'll get some extra credit out of it.

For the most part this is a finished piece, well as finished as it can be since technically nothing is ever finished. There is one transition I'm a little less than happy with about switching trains of thought. Anyway just wanted to put it out there for thoughts and critique while I play around tweaking it where needed.

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Problems Anonymous Inc.


I....

I am unable to switch trains
-I- say
suffering the baleful stares
not understanding that what I meant
was that I am unclean too

I am a broken shell
standing on an empty platform
where we had waited together
moments before
staring at the tracks
running parallel and apart

the wind forcing the rain sideways
blows in with it an arriving whistle
the metal husk rolls in before me
and doors clank open
welcoming me inside

when I talk about me
staring at my reflection
in the plexy-glass square window

I -am- twenty one years old
and still in college
It -is- hard sometimes
but I -am- surviving
and right now
I -am- homeward bound
headed on this straight line

You see? That is one train
a train of thought
into the human time line
of the here and now

but
"all aboard" a strange voice calls
and my foot as though filled with lead
hesitates
in taking that last step


when I talk about him,
I have to pursue a different train
a train wreck that happened
right in the middle of my tracks
leaving fire, ash,
and a shapeless heap of twisted iron in the cool morning
of my adult life

when I talk of him
it is that I MUST say

He -was- thirteen.
He -had- blond hair,
and is...was much like my brother,
his cousin and hero

so you see?
this door that's opened
on the southbound train
is waiting for me to step off
leaving behind the metal platform
and the dry spots left by our feet
although the rain has already
begun to swallow up the mark
left by your two small feet
now moved on

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After Note: My professor and I are also having a minor debate concerning the beginning. Originally the speaker was standing in front of a circle of people as the previous confessor had concluded their testimony in the typical AA fashion. She liked my new beginning which was originally two short stanzas done much better. I am worried though, that now that the context has been removed the baleful stares of people with much worse problems than what they originally understand the problem to be and the rest till the second line of the second stanza might either not be doing anything for the poem or overly dramatic. But then again the beginning and the end were her favorite parts so I just don't know.

Also to my friends that know about what happened this summer some of you were wonderful in the ways you were there for me through this. Thank you. This was an emotional thing to write, but I'm glad I finally found away to talk about it briefly.

[ScrumYummy]

Awwww.....that made me teary-eyed. So it was good ! Nicely done. I have a few critiques/suggestions, take them if you want.

[Antinua]

*Hugs*

I'm don't know much about poetry, so I really can not give any pointers, but I give great hugs! That poem was beautiful, so sad, but beautiful.

*big panda hug*