First Contact

[Faye]

This past weekend I made first contact with my birth mother. Lisa made the decision about 25 years ago to give me up for adoption, and when I was born I went directly to my adopted mother. Never seeing her, nor her I. After 24 years, I googled her name on a whim and it popped up a picture on her jobs website. After seeing the picture there was really no doubt it my mind who she was. It took me a few hours to write a short, very discreet message to her. Not so much the writing but building up the courage to hit send. So many things could happen after I pushed send, so many variables I had little to no control over. But I did it anyways, and I couldnt be more happy that I did. She replied to me Monday morning and we already have more than a dozen emails between us. I'm so incredibly excited about this, and I just wanted to share my excitement with anyone that'll listen. I've got her picture posted in my myspace pictures. As well as the picture I took to send to her. The resemblance is uncanny.

So far we have only conversed via email, I'm sorta reluctant to push to the next mode of conversation, being the phone. And she's only 3 or 4 hours away from where I live, so an inperson contact is not out of the question. But I'm getting ahead of myself. One step at a time. I've had a couple years to prepare for this, and she has only had a few days to process a lot of information.

Some good things I have found out is that I have a 16 year old half sister named Lauren. This was one of the biggest questsions that plagued me about my birth parents. Haveing a sibling is very exciting. It turns out I am half Italian, not just a quarter, and my heritage goes all the way back to Sicily. My great great great grandfather came over on a boat, and owned a cabinet shop. My birth mother has a few of the things he made still.

Its really amazing. Its a whole part of my life I knew virtually nothing about. Its like figureing out who you really are over the span of a few emails. Anyways I'm rambling I just wanted to share the good news. Lata

~Matt

[FawkesFyre]

Wow!

I'm kind of at a loss for words. How did you find our your birth mother's name? Were you adoptive parents just open about it, or did you have to do some research.

This really interests me because I have the same situation as you. I'm another who was adopted from birth...except I don't know anything about my birth parents...it would kill my mother if I were to bring it up. But, I've always wanted to know who she was and the various elements that come with it like you are finding out.

Please keep us posted.

[Shino]

Wow. That's a pretty amazing story Faye.

Kinda makes me wonder what my birth parents are doing.

[Faye]

As long as I can remember, I've known I was adopted. My mother was very open with me about it from the beginning. Which is good, because if she had waited until I was a teenager or something, I would have probably been pretty pissed. Regardless, she has always supported me finding my birthmother someday, even tried to help a couple of times. I just always thought I would do it on my own once the time came. I have always known her first and last name and her approximate age, she was only 16 when I was born. It was a closed adoption but it wasnt done through an agency, it was done through private lawyers and such. And the decision for me to go to my adopted parents was made long before I was even born. Still all we ever knew of her was her first and last name. Luckily for me its not a very common last name, and only yielded about 15 results on google. All of which pointed to her, and one to a registery I had made on adoption.com

I had the conversation with mom about it, after the fact. She of course went through the initial shock of "I wanna be your mom" crap that I expected. I promptly set her straight, she will never be replaced as my mother, under any circumstances. I would suggest having a conversation with your parents, if you think they have any information on the matter. Be very understanding about where your adopted parents are coming from, it can be a shock. But they also have to be made to understand that knowing where you came from, and knowing your family history can be very valuable in the future. For instance, I found out that both my great uncles died of cancer, and my grandfather had and survived cancer. This increases the chances that I will get it exponentially, and as a result I'm going to be much more aware of it.

Like I said though, I was lucky and for most people finding their birth parents is a lot more difficult.

[Shandriz]

Aww, that's really sweet! I'm sure it's also a little reassuring to know that your adoptive mother gave you up for good reasons. I've known people who stressed out worrying about why they were given up-- whether their adoptive mother/father didn't want them, etc.

I'm..not adopted, but very very pro-adoption. ^^

[Shino]

Faye I'm in the same boat.

My mother has never hidden the fact that I was adopted. As a matter of fact, the first memory I have of any type of conversation with my mother about it was when I was about 5. A counselor at the day care I went to asked me if I knew where I came from.

So I asked my mother... where did I come from and she replied... "The Baby Store" That's my mother for ya.

But in reality, it's pretty much the truth.

When I was a teenager... I had the typical teen thinking. I don't want to find my blood parents... if they didn't want me why should I look for them. But now... it's different. I understand that what was done was most likely done for my own good and I thank God for the life I have had.

My entire family is big time pro adoption.

Out of 4 siblings (Mom, Aunt and 2 uncles), 3 have adopted. My mother of course adopted me. My Aunt adopted both of her children, and my Uncle Tony who just passed away, adopted one of his daughters. I think that if my father hadn't died when I was young, they would have adopted another child.

Then, my cousin Lisa has Adopted 2 children. Madeleine, who you all know is my Goddaughter, and Elizabeth her little ... little sister.

Shanshan and I are both very pro adoption and we currently have the thought that we are going to have one child and adopt the opposite sex for our second.

Faye... I never knew you were adopted... now I know one more thing that we have in common! Good knowledge to have bro!

[Sciler]

My bf is adopted, but he doesnt seem overly interested in his birth parents honestly. I think I am more curious than him, primarily for his health history honestly (since we already know he gets kidney stones unfortunately) and other small things that I wonder if are genetic or not.

[Shandriz]

I didn't know Lisa was adopted, Chris! ...though, I'll admit I thought it was odd she looked so different from the rest of your family. Louis I never though was adopted either, and he does sort've look like he fits in more. Same with Anna. Your family really -is- adoption-friendly!

xD I'm only curious about Chris's family because I'd love to know if his awesomeness is genetic and we can expect it in our kids. ^_-

No, but really, I think adoption is just such an awesome thing. There are so many kids that really -need- a home and are already in existence, why not help them out instead of bringing another one into the world?

I have a cousin who was adopted from Mexico, but that's about it.

[Kudasai Hiroki]

Wow! That's so cool! I'm so happy for you that your adopted family is so understanding about the whole thing. I hope everything works out ok between you, your adopted family, and your new-found mom.

I hope I'm not bringing up a sore subject, but do you know anything about your real dad?

[Tobias]

good stuff man. Im glad that this story is closed for ya, and that you've found out the things that you desire. I know one of my closest friends is adopted. When i walked through his house, i couldn't help but notice a great difference between his pictures and his other siblings (also adopted).

It's an interesting world we live in. You've explored one of its other routes. Congrats.