Computer School Snippets

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

Work Snippets is back under a new and improved formula! And unlike Tide, this is actually meaningful. Prepare to read stories that are so sad that they will kill any and all will to live inside your soul for the next fifteen eternities.

Now that's a lot of eternities!

*slaps own cheek with a shocked expression*

Let's start 'er up. Presenting the suspects:

Lil' ol' me!
Jack: I don't know his name but he looks like a Jack. Classmate who knows what he's doing.
Teacher: By teacher, I mean any teacher at this school.
Idiot: This groups together all male idiots since, when fused together, they couldn't even form the equivalent of a man.
Idiotess: This groups together all female idiots since, when fused together, they could form a woman with enough flesh to populate the biggest chest ever, but the brain would be a point of antigravity.

#1: Where is it? Where is it?
Idiotess: Excuse me... Where's the motherboard?
Me: Here. *I point to the biggest board on the table.*
Five minutes later...
Idiotess: Excuse me... Where's the motherboard?
Me: Here. *I pick up the biggest board on the table and wave it in front of her eyes so she can see it really well.*
Five minutes later...
Idiotess: Excuse me... Where's the motherboard?

That was the exact same idiotess on all three accounts.

#2: Where reading and looking are two very different verbs.
I meet an idiotess in my Windows XP class who seemingly cannot make any effort to learn. Whenever she finds herself at a spot she didn't expect, she doesn't ask for help. Instead, she freezes in place and sits motionless, except for looking around her every minute or two until she spots me and wildly gestures at me to come over.
Idiotess: What do I do?
Me: Well, where are you... OK, you are at step number seven on your sheet. What does it say?
Idiotess: It says...

Silver Adept · Otaku Lord Age: 41 Gender: Joined: 20 May 2003

For as simple as technology has gotten in these past few years, it always amazes me to see that people have managed to get even simpler than that.

GAAZ · MOD Black Sheep Commander Gender: Joined: 14 Oct 2002

This makes me giggle.

What the hell is up in Canada? I'm in a first year Java class and every freaking person in there is programming things that shouldn't be and talking bout C++ and crap.

Every computer class I've taken has a class full of people who know EVERYTHING the teacher is teaching before she teaches it.

Shino · Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 10:03 am Post subject:

M$: We made our installation idiot proof.

Human Race: We made a better idiot!

~Tsuki~ · Resident Book Worm Gender: Joined: 30 Sep 2003

Godwyn · Senior Otaku Gender: Joined: 25 Oct 2004

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

#10: Wrong on just one level... but a big one.
Teacher: OK guys, I came in and noticed there were about fifty Ethernet cables plugged into the hub. We're twenty. THAT IS NOT GOOD. So that goes, that goes, that goes... *unplugs all the Ethernet cables* All right, now, I want your computer numbers. I'll take care of the plugging. If there's any problem, call me up, and I'll take care of it.
Student: 1 A!
Teacher: Done.
Student: 2 A!
Teacher: Done.
Student: 3 B!
Teacher: Done.
(After a while, he finishes plugging all the correct cables in the right place.)
Teacher: Now, I don't want to see anyone touching that hub. We're twenty, there's twenty cables plugged. That's the way it should be. If there's a problem, if you can't access the network, just talk to me and I'll fix it.
(5 minutes later, there's a mass of people fiddling around the hub.)
Teacher: Hey! Step away from there! If there's a network problem, call me up, do not play around with the cables on the hub!
(5 minutes later, there's another group of people trying their luck on the hub.)
Teacher: Hey! Back to your seats now! I said, if there's a problem with you connecting to the network, raise your hand and I'll take care of it. Do not touch the hub, that isn't any of your business.
(5 minutes later, yet another group of people masses around the hub and begins to try different plugs.)
Teacher: Get back to your seats! I'm in charge of that thing! Go! Now!
(Halfway into the class, we're back to having over fifty Ethernet cables plugged into the hub in all sorts of configurations, some going from the hub and back into the hub. Ironically, everyone who went to the hub to try to fix the prob themselves still couldn't connect to the network by the end of class.)

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

Moving on...

#11: Three weeks later...
Our hardware teacher has been explaining to us the job of a motherboard for three weeks now, going over each component many, many times over along with providing us with a large photocopied compendium full of useful information. Today, after three grueling hours of straight theory, he had just finished explaining, re-explaining, re-re-explaining and re-re-re-explaining what a Chipset does on a motherboard.
Teacher: Does everyone understand? Does everybody understand this? This is very important for the next lab, I need everyone to understand this otherwise you'll be stuck. *turns to the Idiotess of The Hill* Did you understand?
Idiotess: (With an air of defiance) No.
I left the class.

#12: Patch Panel Woes
We come into software class and I realize through my browser that the school's proxy server isn't letting anybody on the Internet today. I start up a solitaire while overhearing a conspiracy theory around me.
Idiot #1: What's the hell's up with the network? I can't go on MSN!
Idiot #2: I bet it's the damned patch panel again. It always fucks up!
Idiot #1: Let's check this out. I bet it's this cable.
Idiot #2: Nah, still not working.
Idiot #3: What the hell you guys doing? You're fucking up the network! No wonder why it's not working!
Idiot #1: But I'm certain it's this cable here! I saw the teacher plugging it in the other day!
Me: ...Guys, it's the proxy. The proxy's closed down today.
Idiot #2: We know! It's because of that patch panel that doesn't wanna work!

#13: Wherein no one is a prophet in his own country.
Everybody's chattering among each other.
Teacher: OK guys, class is about to start up. I'll let the computers run on your side since I know some of you need to finish their partitions - do it as long as it's stuff that can be done in the background. If I hear too much talking, I'll be forced to cut the juice and you won't have anything to do but listen to me. Did I make myself clear?
Everybody resumes talking.

Silver Adept · Otaku Lord Age: 41 Gender: Joined: 20 May 2003

Do these people actually think they're going to be hired as computer technicians? Or are they just doing this because it seemed more fun than taking a flamethrower to their wallets?

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

#14: KILL YOURSELF.
Idiot: Ma'am... Ma'am! What do I put?

This question might have been valid had the context not been explained properly.

I know the context.

Believe me, I lost all references of right and wrong in my mind when I heard that phrase.

Today, in class, we write a few programs. Teacher tells us to write a prog that asks the user for two numbers. The program adds the numbers and then displays the sum.

The dude in front of me writes the program, compiles it, runs it. There pops the familiar DOS window and the words "Enter your first number:"

He turned to the teacher and said "Ma'am... Ma'am! What do I put?"

While my jaw was making its way to China, the teacher answered as if it was a normal ol' question.

I mean, come on.

HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO INPUT IN HIS OWN GOD DAMNED PROGRAM!!!

Best of all...

...he did it TWICE!

He wrote ANOTHER program where something was expected the user and AGAIN asked what to put!!