"Dear Doot" - >advice columns beware!<

Doot · Posted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 4:39 pm Post subject:

Here it is! The forum I know all of you have been deep down desiring. Yes! It is "Dear Doot."

Feel free to ask me any question, with which I will find it within my power to answer them. (PM will be excepted and pseudonyms as well for those embaressing questions) So bring on the question carnage!

Shino · Posted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 5:25 pm Post subject:

Dear Doot,

I really don't know how to say this but... I am hot for you bod! I'm really not sure what to do about this since you and I are both dating someone else and seeing as we are business partners, to an extent. I'm really not sure what to do. I know it's not right for me to be hot for your bod, but what can I do. You are just too damn cute.

Please advise. What can I do to make myself not so hot for your bod!

Your humble slave,

oh wait... nevermind.

Wiggle

ya Doot

Doot · Posted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 5:52 pm Post subject:

Dear "oh wait... nevermind."

Your lament is none too uncommon. I have a team of experts working on this situation as we speak. You may have heard of them, since they are a team of successful Scottish scientists who have cloned the sheep. What you do is send a self-addressed stamped envelope and a money order for $5,000 and you will receive your envelope back with a tube.

Place contents of tube in a microwave safe bowl, add a 1/2 cup of water, heat on high for 5 minutes. Stir. Then let stand overnight.

When you wake up, you will have a full sized Doot clone, complete with sense of humor and cuteness.

Shino · Posted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 5:56 pm Post subject:

OH thank you Doot. I will send it right away.

Thank you soooooooooooooooo much.

Whoohoo... my very own Doot. I can't wait.

Minosheep · Posted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 6:59 pm Post subject:

Dear Doot,

I seem to keep losing my sheep, and I don't know where to find them. An expert's advice was to leave them alone and they'd come home, dragging their tails behind 'em.

Unfortunately, this strategy does not work. Little Boy Blue suggested I blow my horn, but all that did was encourage them to get into the corn.

My best friend, Mary Contrary, advises that I keep up a garden of bells and other such implements. Do I sound like some pansy gardener to you?! I can't raise no stankin' bellflower. What am I, one o' them thar hillbillies?!

And then some butt-stankin' old goose of a woman started spittin' rhymes at me! What'm I supposed to do about all this?! My sheep still haven't shown up, and my bum itches!

Sincerely,

The God of All Sheep Big and Small...
Demonic.

P.S. :baaaa:

Sperrit · Chosen of Earth Gender: Joined: 16 Oct 2002

Dear Doot,

I have a problem. You see, I have this friend... a friend mind you, not me. And he likes this girl, see... this is my friend now, but he doesn't know how to express his feelings towards said girl... my friend, not me. So I was wondering if you had any advice for me... for my friend. For me to give my friend. You know.... my friend who is not me.

Join the Fun Fox

Doot · Posted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 7:06 pm Post subject:

Dear Demonic,

Your question is even more a simple one than I thought.

What you need to do is go purchase a pair of thong underwear. Once you use said underwear (only once is it needed and in the privacy of your own home) you will notice it has a dental floss type effect.

You will then find where your sheep have hidden themselves AND illeviated the itching in your bum.

Minosheep · Posted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 7:11 pm Post subject:

Dear Doot,

I tried this strategy and located the sheep. They were situated in my bum, probably the reason for my itchiness.

Thank you SO much!

Reverently,
The Very Behumbled Sheep God, Demonic.

P.S. :baaaa:

Doot · Posted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 7:12 pm Post subject:

Dear Join the Fun Fox

Ah, the tale of the worried heart. Tell your friend, not you, to try and stay focused on what his, not your, desires are. Then tell him, not you mind you, to snag a strand of her hair and place it in a tube of toothepaste. Then squish up the tube and commence to use said toothepaste. The day you, er he, right he, brush your teeth and the strand of hair comes out tying your, er his, tongue to his toothebrush is the day you, um he, right, should approach the love of his, not yours, life.

If that fails, try confidence. Chicks dig confidence.

Minosheep · Posted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 7:14 pm Post subject:

Dear Doot,

I am now faced with the problem of actually removing the sheep from my bum. Can you help me?

Angrily,
The God of Burning Sheep, Demonic.

P.S. :hell: :baaaa: