Divorce - ...not just for parents anymore! ;)

Doot · Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2003 8:45 am Post subject:

I find, as I get older, that more and more things make sense to me. I also find that more and more things pop up that are just plain baffling.

So I'll take my case study of divorce. I am veteran of such an amazing force of differences between two people who once professed undying love to one another.

I've gone through (with my family) 2 divorces. Both fairly unbearable at times to deal with and at two different times in my life. So being a child in a divorce is not a pleasant thing.

I've also seen friends parents divorce, which is difficult when you picture these families and being the staple of your contact with "normal", "unbroken" families.

Let me give you a quick rundown. So you'll know exactly where I'm coming from. My father met my mother. My father had been married prior and had two children with his first wife. He divorces her with custody of the children, meets my mother and marries her. I soon follow. I'm the youngest child. My parents seperate when I am 3 and finally divorce at 6. Those three years were heavily ingrained in my brain as not pleasant to listen to mom and dad fight CONSTANTLY. My mom then marries again. As I am under her custody, I go with her. Leaving my father, sister and brother behind. All of whom I had never gotten a good chance to spend time with until the recent 5 years.

I am an only child, for four years that is, until my mom and my "step-dad" (I refer to him as my Dad and my biological father as my father) have my younger sister. (Sakura to all of you) I am now the oldest child, and remain as such when my parents adopt a teenage boy a year prior to their divorce when I was 17. This time resulting in my mother leaving. Here I am, experiencing a situation I never though I would, where both biological parents are nowhere in the structured picture. Odd? A bit. Difficult to adjust to? Not as much as you would think. Abandonment issues? For a while, but then again I refuse to let things that happen in the past hinder my future. Sometimes, you need to let things go and progress.

We tend to look at our parents at times with an invincibility to any and all adversity. We tend to think they have all the answers and all the right progressions in life because of their advanced years on us.

When it comes to divorce, it's a blindside to ideals and promises that you, as a naive child, would think were the most binding words in the word until the realization of the facade of that ideal situation bears it's ugly head. They are but words. And words only have such potency as you believe in them.

This is not so much a rant but an idea to anyone out there who ever has to go through such a thing. I bring this to you not to complain but to vocalize the fact that these things do happen. As unfortunate as it is more frequently now than ever, this thing happens. Confusing at best.

I also bring this to you, because the man I know as my father, I found out this morning, is getting divorced again. From his third wife. Which I'm sure is not a proud thing for him, but these things happen. And it makes you understand even more now that the kids are all grown that it is never about the child in the divorce. It's merely that the adults we all grow up to see as these impervious beings, have Achilles heels. They have points in time when they falter, or just don't understand how to make things right. They lose sight of the promises they make. They are human afterall.

Certain circumstances will come up, reasons for divorces, and you'll never understand them when you are up close and in their face. And sometimes you feel duped because you were under the impression everything was ok.

But you know what? It is ok. You're ok. And the divorcees will be ok.

Why am I so optimistic about it all? I concede to the fact there are more confusing situations out there and that I can luckily say I can take all I've learned from my parents relationships and apply them to my own.

So what may have turned out as a "disguised rant" has turned into a quasi-journal entry that puts things in persepctive for myself. And hopefully some of you.

GAAZ · MOD Black Sheep Commander Gender: Joined: 14 Oct 2002

You're Bio-dad is getting divorced right cause I was under the assumption yer non-bio-dad wasn't married yet...Well, unless that lady that's always at Sakura's house was more than a GF or room-mate.

Doot · Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2003 11:30 am Post subject:

Yeah my biological father is getting the divorce.

Sciler · Mistress Age: 45 Gender: Joined: 15 Sep 2002

Wow, thats surprising news that came out of no where O_o So is he gonna stay in England then or move somewhere else or back to the states now? Wow...I dont wanna say Im sorry because you dont seem upset but the urge is there anyways =\

Ill just give hugs and leave it at that

~huge hugs~ I miss you

Doot · Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2003 2:04 pm Post subject:

I miss you too lady cakes. Yeah I just kinda was like, "Uh ok?" When I heard about seeming as I didn't grow up with my father or his current (soon to be ex) wife. It's more shocking for Mik and Sean (my older sibs for those who don't know).

Tiroka · The Nocturnal Legend Gender: Joined: 21 May 2003

I had no idea Doots. You my friend, have a strong will.

Sakura · Saku-chan Gender: Joined: 22 Sep 2002

Aww Rina! I'm sorry to hear that -sigh- I'm hear for ya of course, so give me a call anytime. I'll be here of course and I'll also be at your place on Wednesday, for PO night. I love you sis -hugs- =/

Doot · Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2003 3:06 pm Post subject:

Just gotta keep on truckin'. Seriously, I have expected the unexpected and since I accept that some things are beyond your jurisdiction it makes it copable.

My best advice to anyone who has to face adversity of some way, shape and form is to stand tall.

One thing my mother passed on to me was the idea of "You choose what party to attend". This can be applied to many facets in life.

If you choose to keep company with misery, then you will remain miserable.
If you choose to hang around losers, chances are, they'll rub off on you faster than you them.
If you choose to live in the past and expect pity for everything you have had to go through, you will wind up alone with nothing but old, worn out memories.

Strength of will is what gets you through everything. Yes, everyone has a time when they feel at their lowest. But as insane as it may sound, there is someone who is lower and maintains the ability to look upward.

Selrahc the Evil · true Evil's creator Joined: 18 Mar 2003

um wow. that makes my dads three marriages seem like a cake walk to go through. more so seeing as he always had custody.
um yea well with that said I'll be going back to the shadows if you need me.

unique one · Knight of Heaven Gender: Joined: 22 May 2003

Well it sounds to me as you have a good grip on things.

I don't know how I would have reacted if my parents divorced or if they were to divorce now.