Work Snippets

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

These are actual conversations that happened at my job. They are all honest-to-goodness 100% true.

The people:

Me
The Dispatcher
The Boss
P, a guy who just finished 10th grade and has an IQ rollercoasting between 50 and 100.
C, P's friend. Older, but yet hasn't passed 9th grade. A useless jackass with an IQ of -50.

#1: Said what?
Me: God, you people are juveniles...
C: What's a juvenile?

#2: But it was in big letters on the book!
Dispatcher: Crap, I need all the boxes with Of Mice And Men in 'em. Check the stickers.
Me: All right, I'll go get them... Where are they?... Hey J, I can't find any-- oh wait, here they are. Jesus. Hey C, remember that for next time: Steinbeck is the name of the AUTHOR.
C: Huh?!

#3: SAT-a-go-go?
C: (something stupid I can't remember)
Me: Jesus, The average IQ of this room has just dropped by 50 points...
C: What's an IQ?

#4: He talks shit!
Dispatcher: OK, how many Animal Farm have we got?
C and P: Fifty!
Dispatcher: Product code?
*C and P both grab a book and race to get the product code*
P: 5130!
C: Oh man I was so gonna say it before you!
P: Hey man you talk shit.
C: What the hell gee, you talkin' shit!
P: Come on you know I'm better than you are!
C: Say whaaaaat? You talkin' shit man!
P: No, you talkin' shit! I'm the best and you know it!
Dispatcher: OK, how many Titus have we got?
C: Hey (Shuri), let's do a contest for who gets the product code first, come on man!
Me: *gives C the finger*

#5: Can I buy your cash?
P: Hey, when are we getting paid?
Dispatcher: Don't know, don't care.
C: Hey (Shuri), I'ma buy yo paycheck for 50 bucks, man.
Me: Huh? What?!
C: Yeah man, You give me paycheck and I pay you fifty good.
Me: What? Hell no. You couldn't cash it anyway.
C: Yo dude then I'll just take it from you.
Me: No problem, I'll just pick up my truck and run you over with it.
C: Nah can't do, 'cause I'll run away with mah bike, man.
Me: Then I'll just call the cops for help.
C: And what about runnin' me over?
Me: That'll happen if the cops take too long to come and help me.
C: ..........Maaaaaaaannnnnnn, that's way too complicated, I'm totally lost! Forget da deal, man!
Me: Yeah, you do that.

#6: Smells like university spirit
C: *grabs a 140-page book to be sent to a 7th grade class* Man, that book looks so long and complicated...

#7: I like it like like like like like that!
C: Hey peace guys I like you know gotta take a shit real quick so peace guys yo.

#8: I'm gonna kick you like a dirt!
C: Man you university people are too complex for me... But you know I'm better than all of you.
Dispatcher: Shut the FUCK UP!!!
C: Yo man, chill...
Boss: Shut up, C!

#9: Arriba arriba arriba, hai hai hai yippe!
C: Yo man I work so quick that you don't see me work.
Me: It's more like we quickly don't see you doing work.

More to come as the days go on...

Zane · Otaku Knight Gender: Joined: 21 Apr 2003

Great, now these guys are giving guys my age a bad name . . .

GAAZ · MOD Black Sheep Commander Gender: Joined: 14 Oct 2002

Man, that's some great stuff right there.

I have the same conversations at work just replace "books" with "Insurance" and woo!

Doot · Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 8:35 am Post subject:

Shuri lives the life of Clerks. Ya know if they were a little more braindead. ^_^

Shino · Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:16 am Post subject: Re: Work Snippets

Silver Adept · Otaku Lord Age: 42 Gender: Joined: 20 May 2003

Ah. Once again proving that opportunity does not necessarily equal competence. Still, they must be fun to pick apart with elementary-grade weaponry.

Daijaga · Chosen of Luck Gender: Joined: 17 Dec 2003

Ming · DOOM! Gender: Joined: 13 Jan 2003

Shino · Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 11:49 am Post subject: Re: Work Snippets

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

#10: Look ma, I wear a Budweiser shirt!
C: Hey man, yo shirt's too chill, I'ma pay 10 good for it.
Me: No.
C: Ah come on man, twenty!
Me: No.
C: Fifty!
Me: No!
C: Ah gee man, I'ma give you my own shirt for it. That's worth 75 good.
Me: What? I don't give a fuck about the value of your damned shirt.
C: Ah man, I'ma give you my girlfriend for two days then.
Me: *With a face full of disgust, I do a cross sign with my index fingers.*
C: Yo man what does that mean? *He attempts to do the cross sign as well but forgets he's holding his cigarette.* OUCH!
Dispatcher: Haha, served!

#11: Nostalgia is a thing of the past
Me: ...But I gotta say, the best damn moment of the week was when C picked up a 140-page book and said "Man, that book looks so long and complicated!"
Dispatcher: Haha!
C: Hahahahahahahahaha-- Wait a minute...

#11: I drive a car! Stolen!
C: Yo man I changed my answering machine message to some chill stuff. Says "I got a Neon, peace." Fresh, huh?
P: Fo' real, yeah man!

#12: The Fat and The Furriest
C: Dude, my Neon could so smoke your Jeep.

This one needs a little bit of background. C decided to ride on a pallet while P moved it around with the jigger. Hilarity ensued. Followed by...

13: BULLSHIT
Dispatcher: Hey guys, one of the guys on the other side said you guys weren't getting any work done around here. Hehe!
P: Ah hell no, we were doing work!
C: Yeah man!
Dispatcher: Yeah, how am I gonna believe that?
C: Ah, talk shit yo!
Dispatcher: *grins* Well, I can't trust your word and I'm sure Old Shack over there *points to me* won't say a thing so...
Me: Allow me. So C decided to get on a pallet and ride it and P moved it around with the jigger then he stopped and C fell on the floor and boxes fell on the floor and then they put the boxes back on the pallet then we did that pallet and dispatched it and while you were gone C went on another pallet and rode it while P moved it around and this was getting pretty long so I sat on a chair to wait for them and then P accused me of not doing any work and that prompted him to settle the pallet down and start it then you arrived with your line about the guy in the other warehouse saying we weren't doing any work. Ha!
Dispatcher: THERE! That is the whole truth, right here!
C: UUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN, talk shiiiiiiiit!
Boss: *just arrived* So you guys aren't doing any work?
Me: Boss, you so keep taking me out of context.
Boss: Haha, fuck yeah, man!

14: Explain analphabetisim in 1000 words or less.
C: Literature? What does that mean?
P: ...
Me: ...
Dispatcher: ...
C: No, fo' real, what's literature?
Dispatcher: (Hehehe!) Literature? Is that some kind of salad? (Heheheheh!)
C: Fo' real, man! What is it?!
Me: OK, when you read a book, you're doing literature.
C: Unn, that's it?
Me: That pretty much sums it up.
C: Uuuunnn! Talk shit, man! I know you talk shit! You dunno the real definition of literature!
Me: ...
C: I bet you don't know it! Why don't you speak now? Ooooohhhhhhhhhhh! I see right through you man! You don't know what literature is! I see right through you! Come on, don't talk shit now, admit it!