Some advice needed... - Insight would be appreciated!

[Ming]

Ok, here's my deal. I just read all the stuff that AZVegeta was ranting about in Blowing Off Steam regarding females and why they refuse to go to the good guys who deserve them. It got me to thinking about my own relationship, and some questions I have regarding it.

I think you guys all gave him good advice, so I'm looking to you for some advice because you all seem like good people. My FJ bretheren are probably gonna be like, "What the hell?!?!" when and if they read this, but oh well. I need some advice.

Do you thinks its bad to want to spend the rest of one's life with the first person whom they have had any sort of relationship with? In other words, is it irrational of me to be totally and madly in love with my AWESOME girlfriend and want to spend the rest of my life with her, despite the fact that she's the first person I've ever had a relationship with? Is it necessary to "try out" other people before I really know what I want to do for the rest of my life?

Sometimes I don't really know what to think anymore, so any insight you guys could offer me would be MUCH appreciated. Thanx in advance!!!

~(V)ing

[BWS-1]

You are perfectly sane, budy! ... OR ... We are both definitly not normal. I too met my "soulmate" like I like to call her a few years ago, we started going out together when I was 17, she was 18. She was my first date. Not only first serious date, first girlfriend ever! I love her more tehn I love myself and would be willing to sacrifice all for her and, strangely (since I'm a really rasional person) I think it's all good! Why? well, because it's in the name of love! I never had other or wish to have other experiences to "test" if I really love her, because I know I love her, how can I tell? Simple, you just said it in your words there:

Quote:

want to spend the rest of my life with her

I knew I was meant to be with my soulmate all the rest of my life when I suprised myself crying of joy at the thought of holding her hand, and staring at her in the eyes, 60 years from now. Seeing in her the same passionate love, the same young mind and girl that I loved and still love, the same soul that hasn't aged dispite her now old body, I want to live up to that day. I want to know I made it, I want to know that WE made it.

I'd say go for it, but be sure you REALLY know her. I mean, we knew each other as close friends for a year and a half before we started going out together, now, it's been a year and 8 months that we are going out together and feel like having a family, living old, planning a futur, all the stuff I'd never beleive I'd be thinking so quickly, with my FIRST love! That is definitly a sign that that IS THE love of your life when you start to think about those things.

Well, I hope I helped you a little

[D-Trix]

well, ming, obviously i am biased because i'm your friend and because i happen to agree that mary is, as you say, AWESOME.

i'll try to avoid the bias by starting on the negative side. i think there is a tendency for people in first-time relationships to overestimate the magnitude of their feelings for their significant other. in my first real relationship, which lasted for several months of high school, i didn't realize just how empty the relationship really was until several weeks after we had broken up and i could think back on things from a more objective standpoint.

so, does that mean that your feelings are normal? yes, entirely so. does it mean they aren't really legitimate? no, not at all. in fact, i have little doubt that your relationship really is as significant to you both as you think. i just think that you should be cautious and make sure that your feelings for each other really do pass the test of ultimate sincerity. how do you do that? hell if i know - you and mary are the only ones who can work that out.

on a more positive note:
a lot of people will say that the chances of a long-term relationship working out are higher if both people have had comitted relationships in the past. i won't deny that such experiences can be beneficial, but i also have seen plenty of cases in which bad relationships early in adolescence predispose people to unhealthy relationship behaviors for years to come. so i think that these cases indicate that previous experience doesn't necessarily lead to successful relationships.

as for being sure of your feelings, well...there's simply no way that i or anyone else can give you criteria for judging your feelings. you have to make that decision yourself; and since it seems like you're considering some pretty significant committments, all i can say is to take your time and be absolutely sure that you know what you want. if you both are at that level of committment to one another, then it shouldn't matter in the least how old you are, or whether or not this is your first relationship; that committment should be enough to sustain the relationship for as long as it remains.

but yeah, basically i think that your feelings are perfectly normal. and i think it's great that as a young adult male in our society (a society with a 50% divorce rate, no less), you feel strongly enough to make this statement of committment. that says one helluva lot about how much mary means to you. if anybody tells you that it's just 'puppy love' or that it won't last...well, you're a pretty level-headed guy and i know you're perceptive enough to know the difference between those fleeting feelings and (good lord this sounds sappy) True Love.

so quit your worrying already! i would kill to have a girlfriend as great as mary is, and you're sitting there doubting your own feelings for her? honestly, man!

~Ted

Mingy -> :love3: <- Mary
awwww, ain't they cute?

[Reverend]

In all honesty, I am not in the best place to be answering this question, but after seeing you two together, I know that you get along wonderfully. Mary is a great person, and I could definitely see wanting to spend the rest of your life with her. The test though, is the "living together" test.

[Shino]

[Ming]

Thanx for the advice guys. As for "going for it", I wasn't planning on getting into any overly serious committments right now. I'm still in college, and would like to finish before anything like "that" happens. I personally think that I'm too young to "go for it" if indeed "go for it" means what I think it does. I have no problem waiting a few years, as long as it's with her. The fact of the matter is that I've been thinking about stuff like this for a while now, and I just want to make sure that I'm not being irrational. I want to make sure that this is (somewhat) normal behavior and not 'puppy love', or the fact that it's my first girl, etc, etc. In no way am I questioning my love for my angel (awwww.....), because I know that exists. This future thing is so ominous though, and I want to start preparing now.

As far as other people go, I have no desire whatsoever to be with anyone else, because I know that would all be out of physical attraction, and therefore would be meaningless. What I have with Mary is, as I see it, pure love, and not just because she happens to be a hottie (;-p). And that's a better feeling than anything physical can be.

Thanx a lot guys for all the advice!

~Ming :love4:

[Reverend]

Shino, I think that I may have to ordain you as an associate Minister when it comes to the matters of the heart. Your test? Find out what bishounen you are, then you can tap the true powers of your heart!

*Sparkle Sparkle

~Rev (Cal)

[Shino]

I already did bro!

See...

[url=http://ydoc.myagora.net]
[/url]
EEEvil....
Find out what bishonen you are.


I have no idea who he is or what his deal is... but that is what the survey said.

*sparkle sparkle*

[Reverend]

Interesting....Well then, I hearby ordain you as Priest Shino, Servant of the One power that is Love.

May your abilities to posess other people (This is what Legato is capable of doing) be used to bring about the fosterment of love and peace!

*Sparkle Sparkle

[Shino]

*drops to knees and bows to floor*

Thank you oh wise Reverend... Feature Otaku of the week.