The beggining - my real story intro.

[Akira]

Akira,
a former soldier from omishan (a small town on japans southern coast) trained in several forms of martial arts and 1st class army training and dual blade tactics,set out on a quest to find his fathers true blades. the shimano dual blades...yet he enters a town in northern japan halfway through his quest and faces a true challenge,for his fathers blades are being garded by the biggest artillery base in the world. they were used to kill japans general and several armies tried to be destroyed but did not suceed so they locked them away...now with his blades he must attempt to break through there defense and retrieve his fathers blade to fight the generals son which is trying to nuke america,cuba,and south america in his war to world domination. As he stares up at the entrance to the base he pulls out his swords.he slices through the doors and finds several guards charging with weapons....knowing his tactics,and training he glided swiftly moving his swords extremely fast...by the time he had moved past all the guards bending one knee,they all fell down blood spilling over the floor.He continued down the main hallway taking on hundreds of more guards with ease.
after a long time of battling and walking he met his destination
the vault. As he sliced of the combinations and killed hundreds of guards he saw the blades...covered by lasers and metals of all sorts he sliced away the metals and swung at the lasers but astonishingly the lasers cut his swords in half..
out of the darkness a evil voice laughed, "general esaymuy"
i presume said akira....or should i say TRAITOR! as he turned a man of several scars and medals of honor gleamed in the lasers light..."well akira..its been a while."
"yes it has i believe the last time i saw you was when i killed your father" said akira. a frown crossed the generals face..
"yes he made a mistake that cost him his life...
"Why did you leave marnison huh?" said akira we could have grown up just like normal kids not having our fathers dead and we could be battling in the tournaments rght now..
"HAH YOU THOUGHT WE WERE FREINDS?" ALWAYS OLDER AKIRA DOING BETTER THEN YOU OLD MARNISON EH?" well that ends now said the general.
he pulled out a cane that concealed his fathers sword
akira reached back feeling for his noticing they had been destroyed...i guess ill just have to take you out old style said akira. the general swung his sword putting a cut down akiras face. IM GONNA KILL YOU THE SAME WAY MY DAD KILLED YOURS!!!" said the general. akira remebering his fathers death
let out a scream and a burst of energy shaking the ground beneath them and making the lasers dissapear...he picked up his fathers swords feeling the energy flow through his body.
his eyes turned silver and his biceps grew twice there size...his hair had increased to...no he was staring down at the charging general. the general jabbed his sword towards akira as he simply took his swords slashing both of them at the general cutting him to shreds..
then the alarms were going off as the intercom boomed
"missles launching in T minus 15 minutes"
"i have to stop those missles" said akira walking out of the room to see the about 1/8of the japanese army standing there
oh so yall cn stop me eh?
without another word in a bink of the eye he was on the other side of the men watching there bodies fall apart.
he walked into the missle silo as he flew down to the bottom of the missle he lifted it raising it to the outside of the base
he slung the missles up into the air shooting an energy ball at it destroying it in mid-air..he did the same with the other two..

walking away from the base thinking it was ok he heard a similar voice...a dead voice. he looked back seeing marnison's father general serpelie...you might have escaped this time akira but next time you wont be so lucky...
Akira charged but as soon as he was over there the general had already slammed him into the ground...waking up laying in the crater he had made from the impact of him hitting the ground he looked around and saw nothing. as he walked back to his town holding his fathers blades,he knew the battle had just begun... As he walked away from the the destroyed base he knew what he had started and what he must finish....as he set out on his journey he knew he had to stop and get equipment.As he was passing through a nearby town he saw a group of people talking about a group..."oh yea i heard that the pocket otakus have some people searchin on these quests for revenge and all" akira thought to himself..i have to find these pocket otakus...as he walked off...he knew now he had to meet these pocket otaku people...

[Sperrit]

And now we know the true origins of Akira! Good stuff man! I like it!

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[Akira]

thanks sperrit....i have more but i will have to write it later....

[Minosheep]

Here goes the honest critcism. Don't take offense.

Nice, nice storyline. But the grammar could use slight work, as could capitalization. Also, your character is just a bit too... Godlike, you know? A person who just charges through a big portion of the Japanese army(Which is proportionately very large) is just kinda... yeah. I'm trying to hold off all the big scary powers in my story until one important event that justifies them. I realize that even though I said don't take offense you probably will anyway. Don't.

Summary: It could use a bit more description, some more polishing. I look forward to the rest of it. It's not bad, not bad at all.

(Post 200. Eat my dust... noone!)

[Akira]

chpt. 2

I walked into a bar where i met a man named Sperrit.
I overheard him talking about several of his freinds that fitted the description of the Pocket Otaku. I confronted him asking if this was infact PO he was talking about and he said " why yes how did you know about us". I was releived to find out that he was going to help me. "I have been on a quest for several days to find the pocket otaku and now that I have found you, you can take me to your person in charge, I think her name is...Doot? yes well you see my father was killed by japans old general Cpt. Marnison (i killed him avenging my fathers death ) and his son tried to kill me but I killed him first and now his fathers spirit has come back to haunt me forever.
i must rid the world of his evil ::pounds fist on bar cracking it slightly::....forever. "I see," said sperrit wel i can take you to her Dootness but it is a long journey and im not leaving till sunrise" he said. "then i shall prepare" i said. he told me to meet him at the villages entrance 30 minutes before sunrise.

i picked up all my items such as potions,rice balls, the accesories needed for my jorurney... As i lay there in bed that night remembering...rewatching my fathers death i started to grind my teeth just wanting to take my swords and slash through all of japans army. but that wasnt needed anymore,the real convict was marnison himself.I fell asleep sweating,and breathing heavy knowing it would all be ok once i met this doot. i awoke 1 hour aproximitly to sunrise and started preparing. As i walked out of the hotels entrance i saw sperrits sillhoutte from the rising sun and it made him look like a god as if he would be something special one day...i knew to keep this one named sperrit close for he would help me on my journies in the future, as i walked up i asked how long of a journey it was back, and he said "about 2 days or so"
so we walked on passing farms and houses...hours went by as we waded through rivers and crossed mountains until finally i saw it...yep thats the black forest he said...we battle there.
i thought to myself this place could be rather useful in the future, as we walked through the black forest we saw all kinds of people hanging out in this forest until less people were around and it got darker and we entered a door.
There i met Doot,Sitting in a chair embraded with rubies and diamonds. Sperrit got down on one knee and bowed and said " master i have brought you a...visitor. She nodded and signaled for the door. As he walked out she offered me her hand,and i shook it. "Well" said a soft voice from under a cloth covering her mouth..."where do you come from and what is your problem?I am searching for someone to avenge my fathers death..his name is "marnison" she answered before i could say it, "y..yes thats him,how did you know? i saw you coming and i saw you meet sperrit."thats cool i guess" i said suprised. Yes..she said. So Akira why do you carry a snowboard on your back? "It was my fathers and he was the best snowboarder in the land and he taught me his skills and i learned to snowboard just as good. so now i carry it for it could come of use at times in the future..." "i see" she said
so you come to the pocket otaku for help of avenging your fathers death? yes i do i said.. well i would be more than happy to she said as i was starting to feel better..as i walked back out into the forest i started meeting everyone and then i saw the strangest thing ever...A man with what seemed like alot of sheep and a problem...and he seemed to be running towards doots room too...as he ran in there i walked on meeting more people and i knew it was goin to work out...

[Sperrit]

I'm in this one! That's so cool! \/\/007! Keep 'em coming, man! And he said I was a GOD! BWA HA HA HAAAAAA!

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