Josh is often d-pressed - well...dunno what this is going to...

[Bumblebee]

I really just wanted to have a post in here, so I think I'll just blow off some random steeeeeam.

First off, iz da gal problems. I usually try to NOT get emotionally involved with things anymore because of this...here's the history of my love life- CONDENSED(like soup, with less flavor...I'm starting from sophmore year because the first two girlfriends I every had were in middle school and those lasted for less than two days on account of their mind's changing...x_x)
First gal: liked me because she couldn't have my bro(we're twins; he's religious and gay, I'm atheist and straight...go figure), we "went out" for two days, meaning that we drove to a secluded area, and I basically preformed oral sex....then she quit just stopped seeing me, and turned lesbian...not the best confidence booster for a guy.
Second gal: Started off as just a sexual romp of funnn(meaning I preformed oral sex on her the entire time)...then I kinda got attached...my fault for thinking something would happen. When I questioned her about her feelings towards me, I got no response, so I assume it was no; and that was the second.
Third gal: ...my fault things fucked up there...but I think she likes me again now...and I'm kicking myself for that stupid choice I made(I was liking girl number two before gal three told me she liked me, and after I gave up on number two, number three and I got a little serious a month after that ordeal, but then I was very paranoid that things wouldn't last, and in one of my despressed and maniacal stages told that gal I wasn't interested in anyone anymore...wow...crappy decision..)
Fourth gal: This one started off as an accident. We hung out and played around. She had a fiancee' and stuff, but eventually the playing around landed her to kissing me, and then that went into sex...and then that little affair thing lasted for...like...four months...and seriously, as much as I "loved" her(I qoute "love" because I don't even know if I want to believe the word anymore), I still didn't feel right about that...but anywho, when winter break hit, her fiancee'(who has a record of being a huge jerk to her) kinda called off the engagement and they started seeing other people, and so I was a little less guilty. Anywho, then the summer hit, and POW! It's like she forgot about me. She started seeing some other dood, hooked BACK up with her fiancee, and doesn't understand why I'm upset about it; but not that I didn't see it coming. If she can cheat once, why not twice...not the best confidence booster.
So yeah. NOW I get people telling me they've HAD crushes on me, but they're over it...and these are from people who I find attractive! If they would TELL me BEFORE they lost interest...I'd have MORE confidence.

and then ART! GAAAW! People always disagree with me, but my art and coloring skillz are NOT where they should be right now. Every year, I see some flaw in my work; and it's almost always in the face. I've been trying to fix that problem, but it evolves into a new style- meaning that now I have several DIFFERENT styles, EACH ONE with a BAD FACE...rrr. Anywho, but I can't sketch, ink, and finish an actual piece anymore, and college is fucking up my artistic mojo. Blocks aplenty.

THENNN there's my fucking the schedule! I had my college year planned out; but nooo. The classes were taken, so now I'm stuck with a M/W schedule that keeps me at school from 7:00 in the morning to 9:00 at night, and a T/TH schedule that keeps me up from 6:40 in the morning to 7:00 at night. I have a job in there too, but what's keeping me is the classes. ESPECIALLY the fact that I've three gym classes; two in one day, one in the morning the next. Bowling takes out my wrist(the right wrist, which I NEED to draw), and that same night, Aerobics takes out EVERYTHING, and the follwing morning(less than 12 hours late) Fitness walking takes out my shins and feet...err. Anywho! It's not like I'm out of shape or anything, it's just too much for me. I can take it...but I can't, you know? er...maybe not.

Aside is my English class that proceeds to fuck over my art as well. I HAD to get the fucking head of the English dept. at 7:30 in the morning. That leaves NO TIME to do last minute essays, and speaking of, while all the other English classes are ABOUT to start their SECOND essay, we'll be doing our FIFTH. MY goodness this is too much. My grammar and sentence structure sucks already, and no matter how hard I try, I always manage to fuck up verb agreement.
The teacher's a bitch too! Classes are supposed to give four absences before being dropped; she gives two absences, with the third taking off points from your final grade, and the fourth taking off more(a person would be lucky to make an F in that class if they had some emergency that took away those four days).
Yah...but that's random complaint.

Then there are the loud and annoying people( I'm starting to hate people at that school), and then people I KNOW who I constantly TELL that they BUG me, and the proceed to CONTINUE as if I didn't just tell them about it. I end up telling people to leave me alone close to ten times, then I upgrade to "leave" for ten more times, to "fuck off" for the next twenty, and then finally just to getting up and leaving after that(but not without some un-needed ,smart ass comment).
...and man...I wish it were legal to kill : D

I used to take an exacto knife and make thin cuts down my arm to turn mental pain into physical pain, but I kinda stopped that because I can't find my exacto knife.
This isn't all of my happiness, and I know it sounds like bullshit problems compared to other people, and I know how pety this stuff sounds, really. My mind exaggerates my problems, and I can't to anything about it, really. I've had people tell me that I'm manic depressive or close to being crazy at times(and not for drawing on my fries with sharpies and eating the drawn fry afterwards).
I dunno. This is the same stuff I tell people when they ask me why am I down; but seriously, my mind doesn't take reality into account. It doesn't finish itself off with "...but you're still alive!" or "...you have both of your legs still!"; instead, it goes "...you suck!" or "...hey! Why don't you not suck?" or something like that. I dunno...I'm not mad, so it's hard to express how I work when I'm angry. I'll try to write something when I'm mad...that'd make sense. Right now, I'm just "slightly 'iffed' ".

...but yeah. I'm sure people have worse problems, don't get me wrong- and I would that any replies NOT state that people have worse problems because that will only make me hate whoever writes it...and that's slightly rude of me to say, and I apologize to those who think it is rude, but I don't care for being told what I already know- especially if I've already stated it. I look for new knowledge, and not repeated cliche's. I know I have both my legs and that others have it worse off, I know, but I'd rather have no replies to this than a bunch of people bitching at me for the way I see my problems- which I'm not saying you people will do, because this board has been really kick ass with me lately, and I appreciate all of you for that.

hmn...I want some cheese sticks now... ^_^

[Metal Man]

I also want cheese sticks.

School sounds rough, man, but it's 'the stepping stone to employment', or some such bullshit...

And your art, even if it isn't at the level at which it could be, does not in any ways, shape, or form suck. It just doesn't.

Hope things get easier for you soon.

:elephant:

[Sciler]

ok, first things first. ~huge hug~

secondly, never appologise for venting or feeling bad, in all honesty, its normal. So what if people have it worse, we know this, but ya know what, we still feel shitty so there! :p Its ok to feel shitty and bitch and moan about it. NOT a single person here can claim they've never bitched about crappy situations or love lifes. I know everyone would be lying lol

thirdly, Im glad you can't find your exacto knife. Cutting is bad I know you prolly dont care to hear that, but it really is, and I hope you still arent doing it. Never be afraid to post here, or even PM one of us whom you get close to. I know I myself, am always willing to listen, and help if I am able. If Im not, Ill be more than happy to listen. So please dont hurt yourself, and if you're feeling overwhelmed, just try to take one thing on at a time, and not be so hard on yourself. I know thats not easy, but as they say "we are our own worst critics" which is SO true...but we have to try not to be, because others can see through what we think are faults, and see the amazing talent and person that we are.

[BWS-1]

Man, you are strong. No really, you are. Even if, right now, you feel down and dpressed, just look at what you have survived. Yes, you were wounded by your past, who isn't? But such wounds could have been lethal to others but you managed to heal your way trough and decide to live with the scar. I admire that, and I don`t want you to give up. O and my mother used to tell me that there are no worst judge then ourselves when we do something ... so we better not listen to ourselves 100% when we wonder if we did stuff right, or if it`s perfect enough.

[Sperrit]

First: Cheese kicks are good.

Second: My "door" is always open. If you ever want to talk about something just PM me or IM me or whatever. I'll gladly listen.

Third: Sciler's right. This is a safe place to express your frustration about anything. Feel free to say anything here, and don't worry about what other people are thinking about it, everyone here is really nice and very supportive. They're good people.

Fourth: Relationships are like that. Because of the extremity of emotion inherent in relationships like that they when they don't turn out right they often turn out BAD. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with so many bad ones. I have a friend who's had to deal with relationship problems like that. It's not easy. You should be proud for holding up so well, and remember that there is always light on the horizon. After all, you never know who you'll meet tomorrow.

Fifth: I know your frustration. I'm a singer, I've devoted most of my life to it, but everytime I gain some experience, every time I learn something new I realize all over again how much I DON'T know, all the flaws that I have as a singer and an artist. But you can't let it get you down. You have to remember that there's always time to learn, and you have to remember why you do it: Because you love it. You'll get better, just have patients. Besides, you're already a really great artist. It can only get better from here.

Sixth: Sorry to hear about school. That's rough. Time juggling is pretty nuts. Ask any PO. We all have similar problems. We also have to deal with stupid people: Just ask Katana and Sakura. They've had to deal with plenty of crazy people.

After that I have no more advice. I hope that things get better. You're a great guy. Keep the faith.

Join the Fun

[Gryph]

You better promise not to do anymore cutting. Well that is unless you become a pro wrestler. Also, your art does not suuuuuuuuuuuuuck! I know the artist is always the worst critic, but that doesn't mean he's always right. Just cause you admit it's good doesn't mean you can't get any better.

[Sperrit]

Gryph's right. The artist is ALWAYS his own worst critic. He's also his own worst judge. You're art is good. Yes, you've got things to learn, we all do. But you're on the right track by a lot.

Join the Fun

[Righty The Wonder Ghoul]

man, i would kill, steal, sell my soul, to have art skills like yours. i love drawing too, but never find time to do it, and my skills degenerate. i know what its like to think art you make sucks. all my work sucks.
girls- i know several guys who have gone out with girls who became lesbians... that does suck. at least you've had girls... dont trust girls, they mess around with you.
you have to realize that you are still a good person, and you will get somewhere. just try to be happy with what you have (like those art skills, your faces make mine look like turds) and realize that good things will come.

is good, eat it.