Psychos only - Questions for the psyche

GAAZ · MOD Black Sheep Commander Gender: Joined: 14 Oct 2002

Ok, post here your questions with which you feel can only be solved using extreme psychoscism and or violence and I will remedy them for you.

(Note: AZVegeta is NOT a licensed doctor...Taking any and all his advice will result in arrest or possible deportation... USe at your own risk)

Sperrit · Chosen of Earth Gender: Joined: 16 Oct 2002

What if you have a second head growing out of your shoulder and he wants to take over the world? What do I do then?

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GAAZ · MOD Black Sheep Commander Gender: Joined: 14 Oct 2002

Ahh yes a very simple question that I could answer by simply saying, "Watch Army of darkness." But I won't.

Anywho yer gonna need some miracle grow and a hacksaw.

While this head is attached to your body you can't kill it without bloody ramifications so you take the miracle grow and sprinkle it on the head.

Now with some tender loving care the head will grow a body and eventually be ready for harvesting. AKA haksaw their bootay and get em off yer back...Er shoulder. (The best thing you can do is cut em off mid-thigh level so they can't run away.)

Now if it was a female head you should patch up her bleedin spots and your shoulder and now you have yer own personal living Dutch wife. Dress her up as a para-pelegic Sailor Moon and have your way with her. And remember, it isn't rape cause she's an appendage of yours so basically it's like masturbation without the lotion.

If it was a male head though your best bet is to get him a wheel-chair and dress him like Teddy Roosevelt and LET him take over the world. Then when the world has fallen kill him and hide the body in elementary school food. (Soil and Green, YUM! ) Then cut off your own legs and assume command of the world.

Have a nice day!

(Edit: Fixed me crappy spellin yo...hehehe)

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

Dear psycho dude,

I am an android who's just been involved in a teleportation accident with a monster. Now, I have huge bladed hands, I'm bleeding from everywhere and the government is out to frag me. What should I do to save my butt?

GAAZ · MOD Black Sheep Commander Gender: Joined: 14 Oct 2002

Well Bladed Android man my best advice is for you to stay still and crouch.

See if MGS2 has taught me anything it is that if yer bleeding you should crouch in order to stop bleeding.

Also standing still tends to make ya hard to find by the government I can't quite explain it but I think they're like land tigers and can only see moving prey.

As for picking your nose with bladed hands...You have bladed hands! MAKE someone do it for ya or you'll threaten to jab em good-like and drink their bloods!

Sperrit · Chosen of Earth Gender: Joined: 16 Oct 2002

Dear Psycho Dude,

Thank you for your wonderful advice! My other half is taking over the world as we speak! He's sent his henchmen after me but I'm ready for them! I'll be assuming power in no time! Thanks Psycho Dude!

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GAAZ · MOD Black Sheep Commander Gender: Joined: 14 Oct 2002

Glad I could be of help...And just remember who got ya where ya are today.

Oh and if any new heads start sprouting on yer body then you may want ta get some topical cream...Possibly Preparation X.

Sperrit · Chosen of Earth Gender: Joined: 16 Oct 2002

Dear Mr. Psychic Psycho,

Okay, now, say you have a multiple personality disorder and two of them start to disagree and one kills the other one. Should you take revenge upon yourself or are you already dead?

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GAAZ · MOD Black Sheep Commander Gender: Joined: 14 Oct 2002

(Tryin out this new Quicky post so if it comes out wierd don't blame me.)

Ok multiple personality disorder is in fact a common thing. Like one second yer happy go lucky and the next yer a babbling psychotic that blows things out of porportion. Which is probably what happened to yer killer personality.

Ok, now you haveta decide which personality is where. If the dead one was on the right side of yer brain then the live one is on the left. And Vise Versa.

Anywho as we all know tumors on the left side of yer brain paralyze the right side of yer brain. And of course Vise Versa. So what yer gonna haveta do is get one of them doctor Q-tip thingies (The 5 inch ones for taking throat cultures) and then jam that sum bitch into the opposite side of the living personality.

Now ya wanna keep going till all 5 inches are used up. Just grit yer teeth through the pain. And when yer done shove some Phoenix Downs in yer other ear to get yer old personality up.

Sperrit · Chosen of Earth Gender: Joined: 16 Oct 2002

Phoenix Downs, of course! Thank you Mr. Know-It-All! You're the best!

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