When does other people's opinion matter?

[Zinka]

thanks so much you guys (I think I had failed to do that thus far)...it is really helpful to get so many suggestions.

I should mention that Andrew is really open and not shy around me, and when its just the two of us has no problem talking about anything.
I do talk to him a lot about stuff and remind him about certain practical things he might should be thinking about (for instance, that he may be graduating in a year, and what exactly he'd like to do then, etc etc). I don't mind helping him out and reminding him about this kind of sutff since I have a better head for it than he does but sometimes I feel like he'd never consider it unless I said something and that sort of worries me.

And trust me, I'm well aware that I have my own problems...Andrew definatly isnt quick to tell me about them but when I'm being a crazy pyscho he will let me know. I happen to have inherited a lot of my mom's relationship habits: a constant state of happy and then angry and then happy, being way too demanding sometimes, etc etc. Andrew is aware of this and helps me to know when I'm aware of it too...we're not really afraid to talk to each other about whats makeing us upset or worry^.^

And yes, I'm constantly asking myself if I can live with them. I think I can, I want to, but sometimes I get really tired and its harder to think about it then. I also wonder if we'll be able to live together with my flaws. Its one of the reasons I'd really like to live with Andrew before we get married (if/whenever that happens) but his parents are dead set against that (they're very concervative and religous. andrew and I are somewhat religious but more spiritual and I'm about as flaming liberal as you get).

Hmm...common intrests you say? you know, I never thought about telling my family about certain things they could ask andrew about but I have done that with Andrew. I wonder why? last summer my mom got into the gambling league (for points not money) and andrew would always ask her how she was doing in the league and stuff like that. I think my mom just might be incredibly hard to win over (though she has always liked Rachel's boyfriends....I don't get it^.^)

for all the ones suggesting double dates and such...well, Andrew will be At AWA so you can meet him then and decide for yourself^.^ I keep trying to get him to join PO but he's got his own online stuff going on...

[kei]

people I'm really close to, I have no problem with, it's people I'm just getting to know, that is when it strikes.

[Silver Adept]

Legend's got the right idea. Put me in front of a group of people whom I don't know, and don't necessarily know anything about, and I'm a wallflower. Seriously. But if you ask me about something that I can talk about, that draws me into the conversation, and then I know people, and those people can then introduce me to other people, and eventually I'm in the middle of things. So, as a way of making sure that I get out and meet people, rather than being a reclusive Internet hermit, I've created "hooks" for myself - common interests that I know are there, people that are there that I can lean on, or, in some cases, I have a game that I use as an excuse for going up to people at conventions and trying to get to know them.

Speaking of games... if there are some that Andrew plays, or that are easy enough to draw him into, it's a good way of getting people talking and chatting while they're playing. Again, those "hooks" are good things for drawing out shy people - you're asking them about things they are confident about.

My mother, while datying my father, was at the dinner table with my father's family, and the conversation was zipping back and forth, and one of my uncles said soemthing that mom knew wasn't right. So she opened her mouth and told him so. She says there were a few beats of silence, and then that uncle said "So, she can speak!" and the family had a laugh and went right back to the conversation, now properly corrected. So it really is often a matter of putting the shy kid on comfortable ground and working from there.

As for when other people's opinions matter, they only do when you're not sure about something. Regardless of them being right or wrong, they'll only matter if you're not sure. So, no, the feeling of wondering who's right won't go away. But the more sure you are of your opinion, the less that will recur.

[Sciler]

I semi know what you are talking about Zinka. My bf is wonderful. We click really well, we have our issues of course lol, but all in all, its a good fit. Around me, he's himself...around people he doesnt know, hes very quiet. And he has a very serious face for the most part...so well, at first he can seem like an ass. People immediately judge him to be one, so they wonder why I am with him.

I met him on the old PSOtakus boards, and we just hit our 5 yr anniversary in April lol, so many of the people on here knew him as Ryoko, and hes not the most optimistic of characters lol. He's very intelligent, so when he used to mod the boards there, he can come off as "mean" when he is being strict, direct and to the point. When we got together, people wondered..why, because we seem like complete opposites, and in some ways we are, but overall, we're actually a good click, and we're learning things from one another (like me standing up for myself more lol).

But once people saw us together, and saw him when he gets comfortable and relaxed, hes a great fun guy, and usually wins people over...and if he doesnt, he doesnt care lol. If people dont like him, its thier problem, not his nor mine.

[Tobias]

Ming - I was thinking of Aunt Susan...but Naomi is just as good.

Everyone else - Its only when i got to college that i really started to poke my head into conversations actively and being to learn what people are talking about. I don't find it hard at all now to push myself into a conversation because i want to talk to people/mingle.

But back in my days at highschool: Mike was teh wallflower (Kudos to Silver for that one)

But its really all ground for being comfortable that makes people more social. I know in college, I'm more apt at making my grounds comfortable so i can speak, or be ready to speak/socialize.

What i'm kind of gettting scared of...meeting Jena's parents...thats gonna be...different.