My Home Life Is Driving Me Crazy

[Shammy]

I don't know if I've discussed this on here or not. Looking back, I'm not sure I have. I suppose that means I may have to start back at the beginning: Sorry guys, this is going to be long... Very long. If you want to skip the History and get to the Current Events, just do a "Find" on this page for "So here we are..."

Last Summer, we found out that in all likelihood my Dad would be losing his job. The company he had worked with had moved him from Senior VP of the Southeast to Senior VP of the Coca-Cola Global account in 2001 following a heart attack. They made the job move because they felt it would ease the stress due to less travel. However, in 2006 a new company bought them and decided to eliminate all Global positions to work on Domestic business. They had him jump through all the hoops despite knowing there was no way his position would be kept.

After lounging around the house for the first month or two after being let go, things took a harsh turn. He suffered a breakdown, which we later found was caused by his inability to deal with so much as seeing us: whenever he saw us all he could think about was how he had failed as a father and husband by losing his job. This came at the same time as his 50th Birthday and his mother's passing, so it was a lot to handle.

My Dad moved out in September. He had bought an apartment, told my mom about it one morning, and was gone that afternoon. This was the week of AWA and I found out after being told various cryptic and vague things by both parents for a good five hours at school and on my way back to the house. We were all freaked out and shook up. I had dinner with my dad that night, and he explained that he had a lot of problems and he wanted to fix them but he couldn't do that while he was still in the house. He asked us to try to understand and to be patient.

Things were awkward after that. My Mom, my Godfather (my dad's old best friend--my mom's cousin), and his girlfriend would come to visit. Then the next weekend my Dad would visit. I don't really remember Thanksgiving much at all. I can't remember whether he was there or not. Anyway, before I came back for Winter break, he moved back into the house. He said before when he moved back in it would be permanent, and this seemed to be it. My parents had been going to counseling together and dating and everything seemed to get better.

As Winter turned into Spring my Dad started noting that he had to finish networking and finally set himself on a certain job. A lot of things presented themselves, and a job in Chicago became the best available offer. The next best being somewhat less here in Georgia. My Mom pushed him and pushed him to take the offer, but stated quite clearly that she would not move up there if he took it: she was staying here at least until my little brother finished high school. For the record, he just finished his Sophomore year.



So here we are...

Things between my Dad and my Mom are horrible again. Even before he left she started treating him like he was divorcing her, and acting bitter about the fact that he had taken the job. This despite the fact that she pushed him continuously to take that job. He's been distant, only speaks to each of us a few times a week.

My Mom, my older brother, and I all take college classes. My Mom never finished her degree because she got pregnant with my older brother and married my Dad. Anyway, my Mom has been looking at our budget and freaking out because as things stand she isn't going to have enough money to go back to school in the Fall. Now she's talking about how my Dad saw all this coming and did this on purpose to keep my Mom from going to school and to push her to get a job instead.

Meanwhile, my Mom decided to have a talk with us at dinner about needing to budget a lot more from now on. My older brother took the chance to immediately respond saying HE had a job and HE was being responsible... despite the fact that he is the only one ever asking my Mom for money... which again I don't get since he is the only one of her three sons with a job.

My current academic status is as follows: I lost the HOPE. Because of the checkpoints, however, I could potentially get it back by Fall if I get straight As. So I am trying to get straight As this Summer and now apparently need to get a job to lighten the burden I don't cause financially.

In addition I need to get the rear bumper of my car fixed since somebody hit my car in a parking lot last Spring, I need to get a defensive driving course out of the way before the 28th when I have a court date for a speeding ticket of 29 over... if I dont get reduced points, I lose my license.

I just feel like I'm going completely insane.

There's probably more than that but I think this covers just about everything.

[FawkesFyre]

Just take a moment to breathe...

Try not to let your parent's problems get into the way and try to focus on what YOU need to take care of.

From reading this, here's what you have to take care of:

1) Defensive driving course---try to maybe research for something else to cause a reduced...or call the courthouse and ask if there's any other alternative. Just be sure to sound sincere and responsible. Make it clear that you're not trying to get out of it.

2) Speeding ticket---can you still use "nolo", aka "no contest" to the ticket and just pay the fine? If you can get yourself enrolled in the course before the court date, and bring proof that you are in it, you might be able to negotiate. Although they might try to limit your driving to a conditional license of sorts until you complete a course, or whatever you have to do.

3) Straight A's to regain HOPE---Be straight with your teachers now and tell them your situation about losing HOPE and needing to pull your grades up. Ask if there's any extra credit or any special project you can do to help your grade....just asking makes a positive impression. It makes them remember you in the end when its time for grades in that you took that extra step to get the grade.

4) Finding a job---Considering what you have going on right now, talk to your mom to see if you can negotiate something and delay getting it at least until July. You may want to tactfully point out to her that if you continue to lose HOPE, it will just make things even worse on the family, financially. It may sound small-scale but, you might want to consider doing yard work in your neighborhood or something that would earn straight cash to help.

[Shammy]

Yeah. I actually stepped back today and decided to take charge, sorting a lot of this stuff out:


1) I signed up for a defensive driving course for this Saturday. Hopefully I will do well in there.

2) I haven't called Honda, due to other things, but I do have their number to ask how much a new rear bumper will cost.

3) I have been working harder in class than I can remember working in a long time and so far it's paid off. Nothing in any class lower than a 90!


I appreciate your help and consideration. I've really never had so much to deal with at a single time in my life before, ever. Add to the equation that my dad called my mom this morning and said he decided for a divorce, it's just going to be more crap.

;o

But taking it on one subject at a time is all you can do, or so it would seem.

[Doot]

Definitely hang in there. It's good you have already started taking the steps towards getting things worked out. Fawkes has incredible advice so I would definitely keep it in mind.

As for the bumper - try checking out scrap yards. Next to VWs, Honda's are an easy pick. eBay may even help with that.

As for your parents, I know how tough this is on you as I have been through similar things during similar times in my life. You always should remember that it isn't your fault and even as adult children of parents with problems there is still some sort of accountability we tend to toss on our shoulders.

These hurdles, as are many to come, are a test of your strength and we are all here for you to help in any way we can.

[Blackmage]

Hurray for junk yards!

[FawkesFyre]

Dloe added that you should consider going into court "Not Guilty" and ask when the last time the radar gun was calibrated. If they can't produce the paperwork, then they have to dismiss the charges...and if they produce it, you're just back to where you started...no real harm done.

I guess I missed the part about the bumper. A salvage yeard is a great idea. My insurance inspector had that listed when I needed some repair work done on my old car... The only trick in your case is to find one of these salvage places. Although I've never tried to do this on my own, try asking your insurance carrier, the dealership, and try to find an honest mechanic who might be able to tell you...maybe even someplace like Pep Boys or Autozone can point you in the right direction.

It sounds like you're on the right track, just hang in there and try to just take everything one at a time.


And to Miss Doot, you teh awesome!...never been complimented on my advice b4...gives me da warm fuzzies!

[Shammy]

Yeah. When the State Trooper pulled me over he gave the option of having him check to see if the radar was correctly calibrated. :/ And it was.

Looking back I don't know if I should've done that, he might've been taking advantage of my lack of experience in the matter.

[FawkesFyre]

Sounds like a set-up for that one...

[Shammy]

Doesn't it though? I mean, I know he was just sitting there waiting for college kids to come by; racking up revenue for the county...

[RivaOni]

Don;t they all? The scrap yard is a great idea for fixing your rear bumper dude.

I remember my Dad buying a whole car for less than £100 from a scrap yard that he salvaged for parts for his own car (our shed was full of car bits for years), mind you, at that point in our lives, our car really was a partch up job, its fender's were different colours for a start!