Is happiness worth $5,000?

underpants · awesome sauce! Age: 41 Gender: Joined: 07 Jul 2004

I'm in a post graduate program that is causing me serious pain. It is slowly sending me into a state of depression. I feel as though I can't enjoy things any more, especially being engage, which should be a great time in my life. The program was paid for by a grant and lasts until December 2008. If I leave the program before finishing I have to pay back the government whatever they have already spent on it for me, which is $5,200.

Should I leave the program, be happy again, and owe $5,200 or should I be depressed throughout year (keep in mind I'm getting married) and not owe anyone a dime??

I would appreciate anyone's opinion.

Thanks for listening....

Robb · My freedom begins here Age: 40 Gender: Joined: 01 Nov 2004

No contest. Go for the happiness, I assume that if you're even considering this that you can afford it without getting into too much trouble, then it just isn't worth making yourself miserable for an entire year

Shandriz · Your Death Shall be Swift Gender: Joined: 28 Sep 2003

Just to be 100% sure (Yeah, I'm the person who always asks the stupid question, 'cause I'd rather get corrected than just be wrong) you mean that the program is completely finished (IE: You graduate) in December?

Taking this assumption, and as a person also graduating in December (though Undergraduate) and also getting married soon, I'd really really advise to stick with it. (I can hear Shino cheering already). It's tough. Lord knows that even my undergraduate work, and especially my French class, has driven me to depression plenty of times. But in the end, you'll be so much happier you've finished it and don't ever have to worry about it again.

If you have to wait longer to get married because you can't focus on two things at once, then do it. Anything to reduce the stress. You'll still have a lifetime together at the end, what's another year? And that's a lot of money to have to pay them, -especially- given the upcoming wedding. I mean, that's money that could be going towards feeding your wedding guests, no?

And it's not that long until December! Not even a full year! With the amazing support system you have in Ming and Tobias, I really think you can work through this. You're a strong lady, UP, and you can do this. And you'd never have to go through it again.

Ming · DOOM! Gender: Joined: 13 Jan 2003

The problem here really isn't as black and white as "to stick it out or not?" The issue is that UP got into the program with the understanding that it was going to help her, professionally. Unfortunately, it's turned out to not be the case, and has turned into a program where, essentially, the students do research for professors who ultimately are going to publish the work that the students do. The other issue that makes this so not black and white is that it's not really a normal college program, like the one you're in Shan. It's a post-grad sort of thing that's intended for already established teachers, so it's not quite the same. And while December doesn't seem THAT bad, keep in mind that there's really two more semesters to go, the summer and the fall. On top of that, from what I have gathered, the professors don't offer enough guidance to the students (who are essentially doing their work). Regardless of the level of the students in the program (professionals or not), it's unacceptable to just assume that everyone is a mind reader and knows exactly how you want things done.

It's not that we absolutely wouldn't be able to afford for her to drop the class, as it would most likely be just another loan to have to pay over the course of several years. But it's a clear setback that I (personally) would rather not take if I had the choice. But at the same time, it's not my health and happiness at stake, so I can't really understand the stress that UP is under as a result of something that she has determined was falsely represented to her and ended up not really being beneficial and worth her time.

Just my thoughts on the situation.

Shandriz · Your Death Shall be Swift Gender: Joined: 28 Sep 2003

Ah, see, that does change things.

If you really and honestly feel that you can't cope with it, and it's not doing you any good/was misrepresented, then quitting is an option. Though, I'd still say that if there's any hope you can just soldier on, you'll be a little better off not having that debt to go into.

Is there any chance you could take legal action for the program being misrepresented, as far as the debt is concerned? I mean, if there's anything they solidly said which they are now not doing, you might be able to raise a complaint or something.

Daijaga · Chosen of Luck Gender: Joined: 17 Dec 2003

At first, I was on board for riding it out. After reading everyone elses responses and thinking about it I have new advice.

I think you need to bail out on this one. A year of your life, or 8 monthes or whatever, is actually a pretty significant period of time. You only get to live to like 80-90, and the can count the first 25 already, so your looking at investing 2%ish of the remainder of your life into something that is causing you emotional discomfort and personal stress that will invariably echo out and effect your personal life.

I think 5 Gs might be getting out light at this point. I mean, if you stay in and buckle later, it'll only cost you more right?

Ming · DOOM! Gender: Joined: 13 Jan 2003

I love it....Dai explained mathematically why UP should drop the class. This wins the post of the day in my book.

Shino · Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 9:44 am Post subject:

First things first...

Ming · DOOM! Gender: Joined: 13 Jan 2003

UP has decided to ultimately stick with the program after speaking with the professor last night.

I agree with Shino that ultimately, "debt = bad". Well, not so much "bad" as it is "annoying". As far as the wedding stuff is concerned, we're already well into the planning process, and surprisingly, it's not been nearly as stressful as some people make it out to be. Maybe it's just us, but in the past several weeks, we've already set a date, found and scheduled a church, booked a catering hall, and got Mary's dress. We will be receiving assistance as far as money is concerned, but all in all, we've kept the expenses relatively low for a wedding in the Northeast.

While $5000 seems like a lot of money, it's really just a drop in the ocean of debt that I'm already in for my student loans. So to tack it on to what I already owe, for example, is not such a big deal. The payments won't go up by that much. Really though, I look at it more as a setback to buying a house, which is next on our list of things to do. Particularly if we paid it all off in one shot, which while techincally possible, isn't ideal.

Regardless, like I said, UP seems to have decided to stick with it. I'm hoping that she comes on at some point and comments. Personally, I feel slightly relieved. But like I had said earlier, I'm not the one who'd immediate happiness is at stake.