Computer School Snippets

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #60! Too much, like too little.
The following happened as a conversation on MSN.

Idiot: DUDE YOU GOTTA HELP ME!!
Me: What's going on now?
Idiot: My project isn't working!

Freeze frame. It is eleven o' clock in the evening. The project is due tomorrow at nine o' clock in the morning.

Me: What's not working?
Idiot: I'm trying to move back and forth in my recordset, but it says it's closed.

Freeze frame again. Think of a recordset as a book. The recordset is, basically, the results you get when you ask a database to show you something. So in plain English, the program's trying to read off a book that's closed, so it can't flip the pages.

Me: Show me your load code.

Here's what I see: the program opens the book... and immediately closes it.

Me: Those close statements. Take these off.

Result: He takes away both the closing and opening of the book. Now the book never opens at all and he gets an error he understands even less.

Me: Why did you take off the open statements?
Idiot: Well, you told me to take off the close statements...

I gave up.

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #61! Regression, regression again
My teacher has been forced to re-teach the concepts of structures and arrays in programming, because the class claimed it had never learned that sort of thing (my fucking ass. We were taught that four times in four different classes during our academic career.)

Oh, and the guy mentioned in the previous snippet hasn't turned in his project on his due date. So rather than having an abysmal note, he has a zero. As I looked upon the code he was trying to fix, I saw that he basically had no clue about what each statement in the code was supposed to do.

Sad state of affairs.

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #62! Impossible.
Today, we are to make a - wait for it - database program, again! Of course, we are working with a new sort of syntax, so new terms to learn, new keywords to code in, and so on and so forth.

So here are myself, and two idiots.

The first idiot didn't have any databases on his computer. Even though he's been with us since the beginning of the semester and we've created over six databases since January.

The second idiot has shown time and again that he blindingly follows the teacher's instructions and knows nothing of the code he writes. As I examine his program, I find it stuffed with logical inconsistencies (despite the entire written code fitting on so little as half a page), and as I ask him questions in an attempt to steer him to the proper path, he replies with answers that have no apparent sense to them, going so far as to make circular-referencing claims of programming (practical example: imagine him describing a situation where to know the name of a football team, you have to know the name of a football team.)

We did not manage to proceed any further today. I spent most of my time trolling forums, and only 2 minutes out of my 3-hour class were spent coding.

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #63! That way!
Today, an idiot confused between what's a row and what's a column.

But he was certain his perception was right.

So he argued with the teacher for 10 whole minutes.

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #64! Final assignment
Teacher: In your final assignment, you will be coding the program for a database that manages an apartment rental system. It will contain students of the school, apartment owners, and the administrator among its users. The owners put up available apartments, while students perform a search to find a suitable one.
Me: Ooooh, this smells like delicious recycled code!
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Me: It's the exact same project we had last semester with you.

The teacher looked at me.
Then he looked at what he had written on the board.
Then he looked at me.
Then at the board.

Teacher: ...Fuck it. Due date's in two weeks. Attendance is optional and only for if you have any questions for me.

I couldn't have asked for a better final assignment.

Therin · Gloompf. Iggle! Gender: Joined: 24 Sep 2002

Build a handheld neon sign that says "stupid" in great big red letters. Carry it with you everywhere. Flash it whenever the mood strikes. This will relieve untold amounts of stress. ^_^

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

Never worked. Hell, my idiot magnet is affecting my social life.

People refuse to play Battlefield 2142 with me now, because I always end up on teams full of complete dumbasses.

And the idiots I do end up with tend to votekick me because I have the nerve to tell them they suck.

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

FINAL BONUS #65! A little bit of Jack...
School: Hi, we are calling to ask why you have chosen to resign your registration from our school.
Jack: Take a wild fucking guess.
School: ...Oh. Right. Yes. Thank you!
*click*

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

Jack had left a long time ago. But I only thought of that one now...

FINAL BONUS #66! The end of Computer School Snippets
At last, my schooling is drawing to a close. It is the last semester. My bonus project, which is due in a week, will be sent by E-Mail. I don't need to go to school anymore. As of now, I am seeking myself an internship, which will most likely transform into a job once it's over.

Of course, it's only fair that I bring up the highlights of y adventures:
-In first semester, from about 35 people, we got narrowed down to about 15.
-One year later, we were 12.
-And from Project I to Project II, we went from 12 to 4.
-Out of those 4, I was the only person to attend consistently and to have a valid excuse if I was to be absent.

My friend Warren had graduated midway through my own progress. He is at a stable job now.

My friend Jack got fed up and moved to another college, where he is just finishing up his own program as well. It is probably the first and last time I will see a school make someone racist. He now refuses to deal with Arabic people, or eat Arabic food, no matter the actual details and nationality. After all, we've only dealt with Moroccans. He hasn't seen the Algerians, Lebanese, Pakestanese and others who, arguably, would have varied and normalized the experience a little. But regardless. 30 people was all it took to completely turn him off.

Myself, I passed all my classes with near-zero effort and flying colors. The classes had been dumbed down so much that I ended up a loser after all. The numerous projects that should be sitting on my resume right now simply didn't happen. I'm ashamed to place the project we did in Project I, simply because it was so small and easy that it took less than a day to build and code. My teacher assigned me a special bonus project specifically because I had been having open doubts about this. Thus, he proposed I do a project, which he told me was geared more to polishing the resume than as an academic tool. Good thing.

If you were to copy the entire anthology, covert it to size 12 and Times New Roman font, you'd be able to print over 85 pages of reading material.

For one part, a gigantic joke has just ended. The comedy's over. Those guys will most likely struggle through their jobs as they bullshit their way.

But, far outweighting this comic factor, the agony has also ended. I am now free. I will go to work and get paid. I will work on real things with people who know their stuff. Those who don't, they get fired. At last, the job market will provide me with a much more sane environment to work in.

It's been a fun run. But I sure as hell wouldn't do it twice.

THE END