Need advice.

[Akuko]

Here's the skinny:

I have been friends with a guy for several years and we have stayed in touch for the most part, though maybe connecting once or twice a year. He has been single since 2001. Now he is in the airforce and just finished basic training and has been calling faithfully every few days.

I just found out last night that he will be heading out to Okinawa Japan as his main base. He will most likely be there for 2-3 years. His sudden change of affection has caused me to wonder if he wants to be more serious or if he just wanted to let me know.

We usually talk for at least a couple hours on the phone and we share the same faith and have similar goals for the future. He has offered his address so I can write to him to keep in touch as phone calls will be a lot more difficult to/from Japan.

I have started to write him a letter telling him that I still really care about him and wanted to know how he feels. but I'm afraid it might scare him away. Should I try to pursue something with this amazing guy or should I let him totally enjoy himself in Japan?

I don't want him to feel guilty if we are in a long distance relationship and he and I can't "get together" because he is in Japan. I want him to know he always has someone back home, but give him enough freedom to enjoy himself in Japan.

1. Should I send the letter?
2. Should I call him and tell him how I feel?

[Shandriz]

I can't really answer this. Because it really depends a lot on you and how you feel and what you can handle. How strongly do you feel about him? Long distance relationships are really really hard. They're possible, but extremely difficult-- especially when you know you won't see each other for -years- yet, and are -that- far apart.

If you can handle long distance (given he's in the military, this will more than likely not be the only instance of it in your potential relationship, so you'd have to handle it -really- well) and have strong enough feelings for him, then tell him.

[Jaena]

I'm with Shan on this. It all depends on how you feel. Link and I had a long distance relationship from the end of sophomore year until about the middle of senior year when I grew tired of it and resented the commitment and ended things. When we got "back together" a couple years ago, it was also long distance. In our entire relationship, we have been in teh same location about 9 months or so, and that's over a total of... like 4 years. It was hard, but we KNEW the second time around that we would end up in the same location again for more than just a visit.

If you do decide to pursue this, be prepared for any sort of reaction, and find yourself a light at the end of the tunnel to look forward too, because it's a hard road to be on.

[Sciler]

Long Distance is extremely hard to maintain. I dont think there is any harm in telling him that you care for him, and whatnot, and maintain a strong friendship. if something more is to come of it, then it will in time, naturally.

[Ming]

I'm with Sciler. I think you should retain a strong friendship, if possible, but that's is. It's too difficult and unfair to both of you to try to pursue something at such a distance and for such a long period of time.

It also sounds like you're friends, but don't have that "relationship" going yet. I think it would be easier for both of you to just stay at the point you are now, rather than get into something that may prove too trying in the future, at which point it will be much more difficult to cope.

[Akuko]

I appreciate all your advice everyone! I'm still writing the letter and trying to word it properly. I definitely do not want to lose him as a friend and it would be unfair to pursue something when we will be so far away.

When I get a letter back from him I will give all of you a heads up as to how he takes it and what he had to say.