Worst days of my life - I don't know what the hell is going on.

[Breezblok]

I really really don't understand people sometimes.

I had an asian girlfriend for about three months, who I recently broke up with. During our relationship we tried to keep it a secret from her chinese mother, who disapproved of a relationship between her daughter and a white boy, although my parents were ok with it. We stayed good friends for about a week, and then suddenly, completely out of the blue, she said she wanted to kill herself. I didn't know what the hell was going on so I spent all night - until 3am - trying to talk her out of it on the phone. I heard her swallowing pills whilst on the phone, and her speech became drowsy, at which point I phoned the police. When they arrived, her mother was furious and called me - at 3:30am - to shout at me because I called the police. I told her her daughter had been telling me she wanted to commit suicide, so I called the police. She said that it was "none of my business", it was "a ridiculous claim" and "If my daughter wants to kill herself, that's her decision". Naturally I took exception and screamed at her on the phone, at which point she decided that my relationship with her daughter should end completely, i.e. no contact at all ever again. I told my parents and they flipped, saying that she's clearly got something wrong with her and that I should never communicate with her again.

The night after that (last night) I got a call from her mother out of the blue, saying that she's now in hospital because she had indeed tryed to commit suicide by taking an overdose of aspirin. Apparently she wanted to speak to me from hospital so I was given a number to contact her with. Her mother did, as expected, change her tune, and said that it was fine to be friends with her, but chinese custom dictates that if she had a relationship with me then chinese men would look down on her. I personally find this custom a tad outdated, but I respected her traditions and agreed that there would be no further relationship with her daughter apart from a friendship. I phoned her at hospital and she apologised for distressing me, and I told her I was just glad she was ok. My parents on the other hand began screaming to speak with her mother, and said that they "don't believe she's in hospital" and that she was "trying to weaken you so that she can get you back again". My mother became hysterical and my father simply screamed at me for what an idiot I was by letting this girl "ruin my life". Thus, though HER parents have now changed their attitude and allowed me to see her, mine have also changed theirs and forbidden me from seeing her.

I'm left feeling emotionally drained and sterile, and a little apathetic about the whole thing. I agree that she shouldn't have stressed me out like that, but I also don't think that she did it intentionally as to attempt suicide she must have been experiencing a great deal of emotional trauma and can't have been thinking straight. I just don't know where to go from here. Whenever I try to forget about it my parents give me another lecture. I've told them to stop talking about it, but my father refuses to stop lecturing me about it. Ironic really that the parents that are lecturing me to forget about her are the only people constantly reminding me of her. I don't want a relationship with her anymore but I don't want to break contact off completely, and if I go "behind their back" then my father says that my relationship with him is "finished". Is it just me, or are they being COMPLETELY unreasonable? I can see their point of view, and that they have my "best interests" at heart, but I just don't need them to keep dragging this out. I know you guys probably can't help, and I wouldn't expect you to, but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Thanks to Sciler for being there for me when it happened...it's always nice to have someone who'll listen to you when everyone else immediate to you won't...thank you, Sci!

[Ultrawolf]

goddamnit thats not fair. ive always said it! PARENTS SUCK! i mean like take my parents for example, they never took care o me as a kid and never taught me anything. hell even now they dont give a rat's ass about me unless i do something good like earn a scholorship, and even then they are like "meh". they always tell me they wish they could trade me away to someone else. goddamnit thats not something you say to your kid's face. i have to blackmail them in order to get them to buy any food! one time my dad even threatened to kick me outta the house cuz i wouldnt take his constant flow of verbal abuse. and i was so close to leaving for good! teh parents are teh sux0rz! now i know that there are also plenty of good parents out there as well, ones who actually care for their children and what they want....it's just too bad i never had them

[Sciler]

~hugs to Breezy~ Anytime hun...anytime. I do think your parents are being a tad unreasonable. I think you are now jsut trying to help a friend, and for them to think thats a bad thing, its bad on thier part. I guarantee you were they in your position, and one of thier friends had attempted suicide, they would be all over it trying to help them in whatever way possible. I would just try to talk to them about this, in a calm manner. Go into it very calm, very respectful. Explain tht you are simply trying to be a good friend and help her through her tough time, and explain that when someone is in that state of mind, that they need someone else to help them, or they could just try again. If they start getting on your case about it, dont get upset, just try your best to remain calm, no matter how badly you want to lash out. Showing htem how mature you are about the situation, and that you truely want to help, just as a friend, and would expect tehm to do teh same were the same to happen to one of thier friends...and hopefully maybe going at it that way would help. Maybe try talking to your mom first when shes by herself adn explaining it would help, then once she sees and understands you, you can both try your dad lol
good luck hun!

btw-glad to hear she ended up ok, i was pretty worried

[RivaOni]

been thru something similar recently myself, but not exactly with my parents, more my sister

basically, my fiance goes trampolining every friday night, and one night she got into a argument with her mum about it (i live with her and her mum and brothers and sister now) anyway, she came upstairs and shouted at me, then threw a mug at me, which missed, then she went out, her mum stormed out after her, blaming me for what had just happened (eh?). i felt like id had enough, so i started packing my stuff, they got bk, and her mum started demanding things off me that they had bought me as gifts, mainly cuddly toys and stuff (yes im a softy, im insecure and they help me in that way) but her mum was blocking my path to getting my stuff and screaming at me, saying id ruined her daughters life and all this sort of thing, i screamed back and she threatened to lay me out in five seconds flat (her very own words) if i shouted at her again, i tried to explain that i couldnt give her the gifts theyd bought me bk to her if she didint let me get to the bags with them in, at this point my fiance came upstairs and went to thump me which i dodged, she grabbed hold of me to stop herself falling but i couldnt hold her up so we both fell, me on top of her, at this point her mum grabbed me by the throat and was throttling me, not thinking about the consequences i lunged out and hit her, she still didnt let go, i tried to get her off me again, this time i hit my fiance and dislodged the cartilage in her nose, at this point her mum let go and foned the police, i was arrested and now have a criminal record for battery with reason. i got off with a awarning tho. i returned back to where my famioly were and kept in contact with my fiance for the next couple of days. i decided i wanted to go bk and she wanted me bk, so i wrote a note to my father tellin him id gone bk and left to catch the train, upon arriving, i got a txt message on my mobile phone from my oldest sister saying id upset my dad and that she didint want anything to od with me anymore, and my fiance got a warning that my ister would sort her and her fmaily out if anything like that happened again.

it seems no matter what you do you cant make everybody happy, and you have to follow your heart, i know i did wrong in not explaining properly my reasons to my family, but their not the kind of people who listen, and i know i did wrong in hitting my fiance and her mother, i did it to save myself, i thought she was going to kill me, anybody would react the same, but due to no serious damage to my throat, i paid the price and now have to wait 2 yrs before my records wiped clean, the first time i get involved with the police and the last too

and no one could punish me as much as i now punish myself for what happened, as i have now started cutting again, i cant help it, my fiances noticed and followsme in the kitchen when i get food now, it hurts she dont trust me, but i fully understand it

[Ultrawolf]

the heeeeeeell? that sucks much rivaoni, its like i said parents are teh sux0rz!

[Mika]

I'm so sorry RivaOni. That really is so unfair. Maybe your fiancee's mom is like nuts. Don't take it the wrong way but maybe she is having a porblem or something and vented her anger on you. I mean that's SO horrible she did it in a pyshical way but..... I hope everything works out okay. It sounds like your trying to keep a positive attitude on it. If there's anything you need just ask.

[Chixiethepixie]

hi mika this is Chixie,Rivas girl,the one he hit,maybe if u had been here then maybe you'd be allowed to pass judgements but being as you arent even in the same town then you cant pass judgement.imagine this u see a guy on top of your daughter and u think that he is gona hurt her then u would try to get him off her as well,by his throat if that is the only thing that you can get hold of then so be it.id like to know what makes you think that my mum is nuts?well?is it the fact that she cares for me enough to try to stop someone,the guy who is meant to love and care for me,is on top of me hurting me?and how do u think that it is unfair?he didnt just assult me he drew blood and not a little bit either, on an under 18 year old female which is very very heavily frowned apon,then he also assulted my mum,who took him in when he had no where else to go.
im sorry but i think that a warning was plenty thank you very much and besides what does a 13 year old know about it?in future u need to stay in topics that you actually know about

[Ultrawolf]

[Mika]

I'm so sorry If I offened you Chixie. I guess it isn't my place to say things I dont really know about. I am only 13 your right but I was just trying to help, I guess I just ruined things in the end. In the future I'll try to not say things that will either upset people, ot comment on grown up topics. I am very sorry I was rude. -Mika

[Skylah]

I’m Asian too but not Chinese and its true that we have some traditions, customs and cultures. I’m open-minded whereby most elderly peoples here are more reserved.

Breez, what both parents did was not right and unreasonable. They should be more matured and understanding. You're right, sometimes we just don’t understand them. Aiman and me have some probs with my family too but we're not goin to share our probs here. I’m glad Aiman deal the whole situation with patience.

Anyway, I hope things get better for you.