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Musashi
Scrummy Translator
Gender: 
Joined: 07 Nov 2002 |
 Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 2:09 pm Post subject: For The Techies! |
This is for all my fellow techies out there. For everyone else, this is a UML diagram. UML is a modeling language used to simulate the structure of a system before its coded. In this case, a system to model the dress code of a software engineer. Enjoy!...
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Wins 102 - Losses 87
Level 14 |
EXP: 8440
HP: 2800
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STR: 1000
END: 900
ACC: 875
AGI: 1025
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Arcanum (Sword)
(395 - 495) |
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Minosheep
Doesn't get a custom rank.
Age: 36
Gender:
Joined: 27 Oct 2002 |
| Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 2:32 pm Post subject: |
I get it! |
_________________
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Wins 44 - Losses 45
Level 10 |
EXP: 8909
HP: 1835
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STR: 325
END: 755
ACC: 920
AGI: 1400
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FireGuardian and Bloodreign (Blades)
(365 - 405) |
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Musashi
Scrummy Translator
Gender:
Joined: 07 Nov 2002 |
| Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 2:36 pm Post subject: |
If anyone else has great techie humor, feel free to post it here. ^-^
For my next piece of techie humorism, I give you Microsoft's Plan |
_________________
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Wins 102 - Losses 87
Level 14 |
EXP: 8440
HP: 2800
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STR: 1000
END: 900
ACC: 875
AGI: 1025
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Arcanum (Sword)
(395 - 495) |
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Shino
Fade into this fantasy, caught in the web of time
Age: 49
Gender:
Joined: 15 Sep 2002 |
| Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 2:43 pm Post subject: |
That's awesome.
I love the
OOGuru.getBlueJeans().getHoles();
Heres one!!!
/* Source Code to Windows 2000 */
#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "win98.h"
#include "workst~1.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#include "monopoly.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if (first_time_installation)
{
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
make_futile_attempt_to_damage_Linux();
disable_Netscape();
disable_RealPlayer();
disable_Lotus_Products();
hang_system();
}
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();
if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3.1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();
}
}
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
}
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.1"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 3.0"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 98"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 4.0"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows 2000");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt)
else
system_memory = open("a:swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(something)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
}
create_general_protection_fault();
} |
_________________
So many games... so little time
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Wins 190 - Losses 169
Level 21 |
EXP: 11590
HP: 3150
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STR: 1050
END: 1050
ACC: 1200
AGI: 1200
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Bianco & Nero (Sabers)
(500 - 600) |
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Minosheep
Doesn't get a custom rank.
Age: 36
Gender:
Joined: 27 Oct 2002 |
| Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 2:52 pm Post subject: |
Man. I need to learn code so I can make stuff like that.  |
_________________
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Wins 44 - Losses 45
Level 10 |
EXP: 8909
HP: 1835
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STR: 325
END: 755
ACC: 920
AGI: 1400
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FireGuardian and Bloodreign (Blades)
(365 - 405) |
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Musashi
Scrummy Translator
Gender:
Joined: 07 Nov 2002 |
| Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 3:04 pm Post subject: |
ROFL!!!! Great stuff Shino!!  |
_________________
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Wins 102 - Losses 87
Level 14 |
EXP: 8440
HP: 2800
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STR: 1000
END: 900
ACC: 875
AGI: 1025
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Arcanum (Sword)
(395 - 495) |
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Therin
Gloompf. Iggle!
Gender:
Joined: 24 Sep 2002 |
| Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 1:55 am Post subject: |
On a T-shirt:
Windows
The fatal exception 0E has occurred (again!) at
0000:0110 in Windows MAIN(01). It may be
possible (however unlikely) to continue.
*Press any key to continue seeing this screen.
*Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to continue seeing this
screen.
Windows has crashed so it doesn't matter what
you do. You have lost all information in all
open applications.
Have a nice day!
----
On a T-shirt:
The box said
| Quote: | | Requires Windows 90 or better. |
So I installed Linux.
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There are 10 types of people in the world.
Thos who know binary, and those who don't.
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2+2=5.
For large values of 2.
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Im a programmar
I'm programmor
I a programmer
I write code.
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This post is version 3.0.
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Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
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This post is version 3.5
----
Useful Computer Acronyms
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI: System Can't See It
DOS: Defunct Operating System
BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW: World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
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UNDERSTANDING COMPUTER JARGON
When I went to college in the 1980's, I heard a lot of words like "data input" and "beta version." They confused me. I wanted desperately to know what people were talking about, what Big Secret resided in the computer industry.
Now that I've worked in a computer company for the last few years, I've gained an insider's perspective. I decided to share my
knowledge with the uninitiated by creating the following brief, handy glossary:
Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
Computer. Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to
overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Adolf became so enraged at the "Incompatible File Format" error message that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitler's death, and Duffy began working for IBM.
CPU. Central propulsion unit. The CPU is the computer's engine. It consists of a hard drive, an interface card and a tiny spinning
wheel that's powered by a running rodent - a gerbil if the machine is a old machine, a ferret if it's a Pentium and a ferret on speed if it's a Pentium II.
Default Directory. Black hole. Default directory is where all files that you need disappear to.
Error message. Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings.
File. A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet - except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown.
Hardware. Collective term for any computer-related object that can be kicked or battered.
Help. What we all need. Actually, it is the feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything.
Input/Output. Information is input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer as unrecognizable junk.
Interim Release. A programmer's feeble attempt at repentance.
Memory. Of computer components, the most generous in terms of variety,
and the skimpiest in terms of quantity.
Printer. A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
Programmers. Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create "user-friendly" software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies.
Reference Manual. Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
Scheduled Release Date. A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.
User-Friendly. Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer.
Users. Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
Novice Users. People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate Users. People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users. People who break other people's computers.
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High Tech Computer Sales Jargon
NEW - Different color from previous design
ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE - Imported product
UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it
IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit
DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works
REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors
BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it
FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does
DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others
MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix
RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope...
HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves on
PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period
MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours
ALL SOLID-STATE - Heavy as Hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise
HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE - When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, maybe this one will work
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government auction
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from most airports
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain
LATEST AER0SPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing
----
This post is version 4.0. |
_________________
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/ga/2005/ga051225.gif
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Therin |
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Wins 45 - Losses 36
Level 10 |
EXP: 6251
HP: 2600
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STR: 950
END: 825
ACC: 825
AGI: 800
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Gray Matter (Gun)
(240 - 530) |
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Excel Zero
Suna-Chan's Brother/Mod of Randomness
Gender:
Joined: 22 Oct 2003 |
| Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 2:55 am Post subject: |
I am so embarrassed that I understand that I understand that Binary joke
wow |
_________________
"You know? When they talk about the good life, I bet this is what they mean. Private Jet, music contract, and COASTERS! - Melody
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Wins 47 - Losses 52
Level 11 |
EXP: 10688
HP: 2695
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STR: 895
END: 900
ACC: 880
AGI: 825
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Excel Axe of Doom (Axe)
(400 - 400) |
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Therin
Gloompf. Iggle!
Gender:
Joined: 24 Sep 2002 |
| Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 2:59 am Post subject: |
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Wins 45 - Losses 36
Level 10 |
EXP: 6251
HP: 2600
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STR: 950
END: 825
ACC: 825
AGI: 800
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Gray Matter (Gun)
(240 - 530) |
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Musashi
Scrummy Translator
Gender:
Joined: 07 Nov 2002 |
| Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 3:28 am Post subject: |
Awesome General! I must say, the definitions of computing terms and acronyms are hilarious! ^-^
The really sad part....I understand pretty much everything that's here so far. >_>;;;;; |
_________________
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Wins 102 - Losses 87
Level 14 |
EXP: 8440
HP: 2800
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STR: 1000
END: 900
ACC: 875
AGI: 1025
|
Arcanum (Sword)
(395 - 495) |
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| Back to top |
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