Simplify...WARNING---very angry words and somewhat graphic

Excel Zero

Before I launch...allow me to explain the preface behind this rant. Bear with me as it's been almost three years since I even thought about this moment in my life. I used to be a paramedic in Chicago and have been shot at twice while trying to rescue a rival gang member from a wound. This made me realize some things about what people think they are...so this rant is aimed at those gang members who think that their tiny existence is the entire world...here we go

I have some questions for you my friend...why? Why do you think your world is so important? Why do you think it's the ultimate decision to put me in your sights? Why do you you truely believe that what you do affects this world? Here is your answers, in order, from me to you

It isn't! It's not! You have no bearing. You are nothing but a flash in the pan. You have this incredibly insane idea that what you do means anything to me. You are not a man as your unreadable tattoos and ignorant speech imply in your insignificant brain. Your life now means nothing to me. You are the reason I gave up on humanity. You are the reason I quit my job on that ambulance. All the smiles and thank yous and hugs fro the people I saved are woefully overshadowed by your pathetic, meaningless lives that just happened to cross mine when I picked you up off the street after you were mowed down by a Mac 10 held in the hand of someone just as sick and worthless as you. A real man doesn't slash the throat of his wife because the had a small fight. A real man doesn't turn his back on his children when they become even remotely difficult. You make me sick.

Let me tell you about a real man. A real man loves unconditionally no matter the circumstances. A real man stands by his woman by any means. A real man doesn't try to cut down the life of someone simply helping a fellow human. More than anything...A real man doesn't have to prove just how real he is.....

So to summarize my friend...I am a real man, and all of these around me are real men and women.....My friends are real (and yes that does include every single on of you PO's here), my family is real, and most importantly, my wife is real.

The last paragraph was to PO, my family, and Kiyomi. I love you all....So here comes the personals Smile

(please don't be upset if I don't hit you all in this paragraph)
Every single one of you, Shino + Doot for having me here. Means a load to me
Suna-Chan, my one and only sister who shows me so much love...and my Princess of Sporks
General Mythrl, maybe the one guy who does understand this mind of mine
AzVegeta, for having the guts enough to really state his opinions without fear
Enon, my wonderful boss, for showing me that RPG is alive and well!
Terin and Silver Adept, The guys who keep me alive in POOTD, even though they sometimes post the infamous line "Congrats (PO's name here), That was great Excel..Woot!" :-p
Sciler, the girl who own's my A**
The Mods, who keep me inline when I go nutty with the posts Smile

Again if I didn't get one of you, please know that it isn't intentional, I just had alot on my mind and not enough concentration to get everything out, but I do adore you all here.

And finally (holding the tear back)

Kiyomi, You are my everything, my all, what makes me whole. Without you, my life is just as insignificant as the people I rant about here in this post.

Final Word: I love you all....Always keep the faith my friends and know that in any time of desprai, loss, and lonliness, please know that there is always one crazy guy with a wok that loves you

Humble Excel

Therin · Gloompf. Iggle! Gender: Joined: 24 Sep 2002

Suna-chan · Otaku Master Age: 36 Gender: Joined: 22 May 2003

aw...excel bro! <_<

i'm so sorry you had to go thru all that..and life is tough. I'm still way young in the world, and i haven't had to deal with that (thank goodness) but i hope that i can at least help you feel better........ maybe i can't quite understand how ya feel...but i can sure do my best to cheer you up! ^^

-glomp-

i wish that you never have to feel that frustration and anger ever again...

Tenshiai · Otaku Knight Gender: Joined: 10 Oct 2003

awwwwww... So nice of you^_^ - Hug -

I knew some gang people before...

You know things are not always like this in a gang. They don't all go on a gang to feel they are a real men. Yes, they come to think they are. Because it is the only place and with these people only they feel accepted, appreciated and useful. They also made money of it. For they, stranger doesn't matter they only care about they're friends because nobody had care for them before entering the gang. I'm not telling they are all like this but I knew several person like this. When they realise they have others option it is often to late. Somes in little gang find some way to stop but in bigger one... I really don't know what you can do. Police men themself can do nothings.

The truth is that is really sad and that good people can fall into this nasty trap. Espescially poor people that feel unlove and put away. So, yes it's sad for people like us who really want to help others but we can do nothings or not much about it. Often these people are not just big meanies but victim of these miserable life and first naive judgement about someone whose was consider like a friends only to give them hope futur that others didn't not want to give them to trap them into this vicious circle that the gang is.

Sur, this doesn't forgive their action. But help to understand that they are not all evil.

I know all sad it is and I presume how you may feel. Don't let it discourage you on humanity still.

Therin · Gloompf. Iggle! Gender: Joined: 24 Sep 2002

Yeah...I mean, what are we, aliens?

GAAZ · MOD Black Sheep Commander Gender: Joined: 14 Oct 2002

Silver Adept · Otaku Lord Age: 41 Gender: Joined: 20 May 2003

*sigh* I wish that people didn't feel like gangs were family in absence of a real one. And keep on going with those POOTD's, Excel, even if we say, "Wow. Excellent." Probably means that the level of quality is so high that all we can do with it is simply say, "Wow. Excellent."

Doot · Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2004 7:32 am Post subject:

Excel, you've got such a right head on your shoulders and such a forward way of thinking that I don't doubt anything you set your mind to is right there in your grasps. You're doing fantastic and I agree it's somewhat hard to keep faith in a failing mankind but hopefully they will all learn from your example.

Excel Zero · Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:53 am Post subject:

hopefully someday huh? Well I originally worte that on paper as a poem then I just got angrier by the word, so I needed to let go, and in the end it got turned into a love fest for my fellow PO's.

Now to quote on what Tenshiai said....Great points and I have no doubt in what you say...but there comes this point where you have to make decisions for yourself right? That's just the point...simplify...people are what make life difficult...I firmly believe that....sigh....either way the world may never be what I feel it could be...maybe I am the problem...I am such an undying idealist, believing everything can be bautiful....ah well

Love ya all

Excel

Silver Adept · Otaku Lord Age: 41 Gender: Joined: 20 May 2003

Keep that sort of idealism around. There are some of us who have ideals as well. We need idealists like you to confirm that we're not the only people with them...plus having them helps me to avoid becomnig a truly cynical soert of person. I get aggravated by humanity, but I don't give up on them. You shouldn't, either. But simplify if that's what you think works best.